A little update before I finally remove Kenneth from my life...

Hello my lovelies!

This may be the last blog post I write for a little while I am afraid. Surgery is going ahead on Tuesday and I am due to spend Monday night in the hospital too. Kenneth is finally leaving me! *Cue celebratory fist pump. After surgery I have been told that I may not be able to type for a while. I am in hospital for about 10 days but even once I am home, moving my arms will be a little painful and therefore typing all my news up for you lovely people could be a little tricky but I promise that as soon as I can I will. In the mean time I hope I will be able to type little tweets so if you follow me on twitter you may be able to find out how I am doing a little earlier @Laura_Loui5e.

In other news, apart from doing copious amounts of shopping for post surgery clothes I have also been catching up with friends and family which has been lovely. I have spent this weekend at Snoop Doggy Rob's house where as well as seeing him, Naomi and Jane I was able to spend some quality time with my aunt, uncle, cousins and grandma who had come down for the weekend to help with the house tours. I really had the best time ever!

So how have I prepared for my big operation and hospital stay? I have been busy trying to pamper myself but now that my nails are peeling and breaking they are becoming too thin to paint. As you can imagine I am not happy about this. I now have short boy nails and I can't even paint them pink :( So I have had lots of long hot bubble baths, whacked on a couple of face masks and massaged my head in the hope of stimulating some hair growth. Tomorrow evening I will arrive at the hospital armed with absolutely everything I can think of to make my stay there a bit more bearable. I am not afraid to add that that includes Hank the hippo my good luck charm from my sister, Duck (a now slightly greying cuddly toy) who I have had since I was a baby (yes that is right aged 22 I am taking TWO cuddly toys into hospital with me, so what?) and my trusted pink beanie hat. Wow reading that back I realise just how cool I must sound to all of you! I have also reminded Madre how good she was at hand massages during chemo in the hope she can revisit that skill next week and told every single person I can that it is my birthday next Monday so that (fingers crossed) I have the biggest card collection the hospital has ever seen!

Throughout my battle with Kenneth I have been surprised by many people. Some friends have proved to be amazing whilst others have left me disappointed. Actually the ones who disappointed me were ones I thought would be amazing and some people I didn't expect have been beyond amazing. An example being that I hear from people I went to primary school with and haven't seen for years sometimes more frequently than others who claim I am their 'best friend'. I guess it is true what they say that in times of need you really learn who your true friends are. I also just want to add that all of my family have been super duper amazinggg throughout all of this. And you my lovely readers haven't been too bad yourselves either. Seriously though I have LOVED hearing from some of you. Your messages of support mean the world and I love hearing that I have been able to help some of you out as well, maybe even get you to laugh. If you are bored over the next few weeks, drop me an email or tweet me. I may not be able to reply for a while but I would love to have some interesting reading in hospital.


Anyways I shall leave you all for now and look forward to blogging to you again soon (WITHOUT KENNETH)!

Love you long time. X

Picnics and hospital tricks...

Hello hello,

Hope everyone is doing well?!
It has been a little while since I have written a 'proper' post and so I thought I would treat you all to a little insight into the world of Laura this past week or so.
What news do I have for you all? Well it is hopefully less than 2 weeks until Kenneth is finally evicted out of his current home and forced to live for the remainder of his days in some medical waste site. WAHOO! At the moment I am looking at a surgery date of 18th June. The only slight downside of this is that I will be spending my birthday in hospital :( but I am hoping that maybe this means I will be extra spoiled? For those of you that don't know *cough cough* it is June 24th.

I am feeling much better about surgery now. I had a great meeting with my plastic surgeon on Monday and now feel as ready as I will ever be, if Angelina Jolie can do it so can I! I cannot wait to be on the home run. I have no idea how long it will take me to recover from the surgery. I know that it is a pretty major operation and I can expect to be in hospital for at least 10 days but I have no idea what happens after that. I have heard it can take up to 6 months. BUT once surgery is over and done with the only therapies I will have left are Herceptin every three weeks and Tamoxifen tablets (5 years).

In other news, my cousin Olivia came to stay last week which was really lovely. Snoop Doggy Rob took us out for lunch which was very nice and then we went on a mini adventure. I drove us to all the local beaches I could and we finished by having an ice cream at my favourite place The Winking Prawn. We then spent the remainder of our day cooking fajitas, drinking pink bubbles and laughing a lot (whilst in our pj's I might add, we know how to style it out!). It was so much fun. 

On Friday the lovely Jane (Lucy's mum) took me to have my Herceptin. We also had a great day and had a yummy lunch in the sunshine. I got to see all the chemo nurses and they all remembered me which was nice. They call me 'the lovely Laura'. I like this nickname.

Me and Madre went for a picinic and walk to make the most of the sunshine at the weekend.

Where we ate our picnic :)

I really really love the sunshine. It makes everyone a whole bunch happier.

Monday was spent at the hospital, having CT scans, surgery chats and pre-op assessments. It was the first time I wore my pink hair to the hospital and I got so many compliments that I may well wear it again! I was so brave in my plastic surgery appointment. I overcame my shyness and asked all of the embarassing questions that I needed too. When we left the hospital I was in such a good mood that I even made up my own theme tune. I was in Marks and Spencer singing/humming away to myself without a care in the world. I didn't care if people thought I was weird. The girl with the bright pink hair humming as she selected her apples. I was having a ball.

It has been a super long time since I last wrote about my beauty woes. My hair is growing back nicely, I almost have a full covering of hair which is very exciting. However Summer is proving to be difficult for head accessorizing. I find I often get too hot in my wig and beanies. What can I do? I have tried some Summery hats on but they all look weird as I seem to have a small head and the hats are just too big. When I have more hair I think I will be able to get away with them, but for now I just look like a mutant extra large baby in a sunhat. Especially when I put my factor 50 suncream on too.

My eyelashes are still falling out. This does not seem fair, surely they too should be growing back? I have about 4 lashes on my left eye and maybe 7 on the right (but they are very short). I am missing them very much. It is amazing how much difference eye lashes make to your face. I find myself staring at other people's lashes in envy (I probably look a bit creepy actually, maybe I should stop that) wishing I too had both upper and lower lashes.

I also need to say a big thank you and well done to everyone who has been doing fundraising recently...

My wonderful cousin and Uncle who ran the Manchester 10K

Nia who did the Race for life (She has already done the Reading half marathon too!).

And finally to Snoop Doggy Rob and Jane who are VERY busy doing SO much fundraising it is unreal. What superstars!! They are doing lots and lots of house and garden tours. They even wrote a book!

THANK YOU EVERYONE and I love you all lots and lots!

I am looking forward to the weekend. My little sister Naomi is coming to stay. Yay. She will have finished her Finals *proud face* and is coming home to celebrate. So I will end this post with a little flashback photo of me and her back in the days when I had both hair AND eyelashes.

Love you long time. X

A little update..

Hello my beauties. I have been very naughty and neglected my blogging duties. Once again I have been having too much fun (which by the way, is way better than being too poorly to type and makes a nice change). This is just a short post for now, but I hope I can write some more this week! I may be having surgery as soon as 4 June! If it isn't on the 4th it will be on the 18th. I will of course keep you all updated!

I have been having a ball. I saw friends in London. I went to PARIS. I did normal activities such as shopping and dancing and laughing. I have done a lot of laughing. Never underestimate the power of a good laugh.

London funtimes

Paris with the beautiful Madre

Did I mention I went shopping?

...and bought these beautiful things!

I have really enjoyed pretending to be normal for a couple of weeks. The only trouble is that I think I have been lying to myself. I know it is impossible to forget that I have cancer but I am becoming ever more gifted at not facing up to reality. By keeping myself busy, I start to worry about normal problems like running late or what shoes to wear, and I manage to avoid thinking about my upcoming surgery. Because you see the truth is, that although I do my best to pretend that I am fine, I really am very scared and I don't like to admit this to myself. I am scared about having a 10 hour operation. I am scared about waking up and not liking the result of the surgery. I am scared that when they take Kenneth out and can do proper tests on him the stage of cancer I am diagnosed at will rise. All of you, if given the opportunity will look for the positives. Tell me that at least Kenneth will be gone. That the surgeons and anesthetists will know what they are doing and that I will be fine. I know all these things are true, but that doesn't stop me from worrying. I have always been a worrier. Always. I worry about lots of things, in fact I spend my whole life worrying. And now I actually have proper reasons to worry. My problems are now way bigger than what shoes to wear! And sometimes I am just not very good at realising this. I make everything into a joke. But really having cancer isn't a joke. There are I admit funny parts to it and I do like to look at the best side of things in life, but sometimes, just sometimes I think I have to take this whole cancer thing a little more seriously.

Love you long time. X

Post-chemo fun times....

Hello hello,

I know it's been a long time since I've written, but for once the reason is not hospital related!! The truth is, I have been having such a nice time making the most of my freedom, that I'm sorry to say I neglected my blogging duties! But here I am, back with a bang and with lots of news for you all.

Since I last wrote my surgery plans have changed quite drastically. I won't bore you all with the details but I am no longer having surgery on the 20th May. I am also no longer having radiotherapy. I am instead having a double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction probably around July time. I know what you will all be thinking... WOAH, big change. The decision was made jointly by me and my surgeons and although recovering from a major operation is not how I dreamt I would be spending my summer, it does mean I am doing everything I can to prevent Kenneth returning! Oh and did I mention that reconstruction means I'll also have a super flat tummy at the end too? That sunshine holiday I've been dreaming of may be a little delayed but by the time I get there I'll hopefully be rocking a brand new bikini bod!

Last week I had a photo shoot to get some piccies for the top secret article I mentioned I have written. I had so much fun and the photographer and make up artist were amazing. Wanna sneak peek at my make up?? Oh go on then....

And then after a day of looking silly trying to smile for the camera I got the best surprise ever. Two of my best friends Phoebe and Alex had come on a surprise visit to see me (planned and kept secret from me with the lovely Lucy). Alex was back from Australia and Phoebe came down from London. It was so so so nice to see them, we laughed and 'danced' a whole bunch and I'm not sure I have smiled so much in a long time.

Once they had left me I then got to spend the weeked with my little sister Naomi!! And again most of the weekend was spent laughing and dancing especially on Saturday night when we were joined by Jess and Caitlin for a girlie night out.

I seem to be rocking the pink hair quite a lot recently. I even wore it whilst hanging out with little Bella. Notice that I'm colouring in again, I seem to have developed a little new found love for arts and crafts.

Tomorrow I am off to London and then on to Paris for the weekend and I can't wait to tell you all about it when I return. But for now I shall leave you with a picture of my new favourite brekkie...
blueberry, banana, raspberry and coconut milk yoghurt smoothie! YUM

Love you long time. X

 

Coping with Chemotherapy. Advice from a hair obsessed chemotherapy graduate. Part one- general.

Hello everyone,
I have been threatening to write this for a while and now that I am a fully qualified chemotherapy graduate I have decided that now is the time.

I had six treatments of chemo, the first three were FEC and the second three were Taxotere. The most important thing I can tell you, is that every single person deals with chemotherapy differently. Everyone experiences side effects in different ways. Some people are absolutely fine and even manage to work (how they do this I will never know, huge amount of jealousy and respect from me), other people have a slightly harder time. I was one of these people. Panic not, if I can make it to the end, anyone can. It may not feel like it at the time but eventually it will all be over and you will feel like a human again.

The purpose of this blog post is to list everything that I found helpful during my chemotherapy in the hope it can help some of you too. I am not claiming to know everything and can only offer advice based on my own experiences but I do hope it helps. Please feel free to comment if you have any other tips.

•          WATER

Drink it. Lots of it. This is particularly important to do the day before, the day of and the day after each treatment. I tried to drink at least 2 litres, ideally 2 and a half. Believe me it makes a big difference to how you feel.

•          Keep your arm as warm as possible after chemo

I cut the end off of a fluffy sock and wore that on my arm. I suffered with phlebitis and keeping your arm warm really helps.

•          Try to keep active

I know this is harder than it sounds, even just going for some gentle walks can really help. 

•          Listen to your body

It tells you what you need. If you are tired, rest. If you are hungry, eat. If you crave a particular food, have it. Don’t try to push yourself too hard too soon, it won’t help.

•          Moisturise

I found that my skin got really dry during both treatments, particularly my hands and face, so invest in some good moisturiser and keep hydrated. You don’t want wrinkles on top of everything else!

•          Invest in an ear thermometer

They give a more accurate measure and are easy to use. You will learn to love it. Checking my temperature became part of my daily routine!

•          Hair loss 

This is a biggie for most people. In my case, I knew it was inevitable, but some people on different chemotherapy drugs keep their hair. I waited until it became too distressing to watch it fall out any longer and took myself off to the hair dresser, chosing to have it shaved into various different hairstyles for a laugh before shaving the last bit off myself. You can see how I dealt with it here. 

•          Have a bag packed ready for any unexpected hospital trips

In this bag you need; pyjamas, socks, slippers, a jumper or cardigan that opens at the front, toiletries, a towel, a book/puzzle book, spare underwear, a change of comfy clothes or at least clean t-shirts and leggings, iPod/iPad (optional), phone charger. Having some home comforts makes any hospital stay that little bit better.

•          Plan fun things for the ‘good’ week of your treatment cycle

It gives you things to look forward to and something to aim towards when you are feeling rubbish. I tried to see Snoop Doggy Rob, or go for lunch with friends and as I’m sure you all know I did the odd bit of online shopping too. Hey, it made me feel better so I thought why not?

•          Make the most of this time in bed/on the sofa

Read the books you always meant to and watch the films and TV series that you never had time to.

•          Taste change

This can be horrible. I often found cold foods tasted better and drinks worked best with a straw.

•          Bonjela

I got mouth ulcers but found bonjela worked a treat. The doc can also give you mouth wash which also helps.

•          Be organised

Keep all of your hospital letters/leaflets in an easy to find folder, that way if you or anyone else need to find anything quickly you know where it is.

•          Let people look after you

I struggled with this one. I always felt like a burden, but the truth is your family and friends want to help you. They want to do anything they can to make you feel a bit better. If you push them away you are not helping anyone, especially not yourself.

•          Don’t be too hard on yourself

There will be times when you want to scream, cry, shout and laugh. Do it, you need to do whatever you can to make yourself better. Bottling up your emotions won’t help. I learnt this the hard way, don’t make the same mistake. 

•          Be honest

With other people and with yourself. If someone asks how you feel, the natural response is to say you feel fine. If this isn’t true people can tell. Your face/eyes give everything away. Madre told me this early on and so I learnt albeit reluctantly to tell her the truth about how I was feeling. If you don’t feel well call your hospital ward, they will try their best to help. Don’t pretend you are fine, when you aren’t. Spotting and dealing with symptoms early is the key to staying well, again I learnt this the hard way.  

I hope that this helps at least some of you. The thing to remember is that it will all be worth it once you have finished!

Love you long time. X

Stage one of Kenneth busting... DONE!

Hello hello.

Just a short post today I'm afraid, but I thought I'd just check in with you all to let you know how I am doing! No more toxic nasties. I can't believe it. WOOOOHOOOOO!!!
The last round, unfortunately didn't go without a little stay in hospital. 2 nights with a chest infection. I am now safely home, with antibiotics to take for the best part of two weeks, and starting to feel better. It also helped that I received two bunches of beautiful flowers.

It feels so good knowing I've made it through stage one of Kenneth busting treatment! Now that I am finally on the mend from the rubbishness of the toxic nasties I have been thinking a lot about the future. My future to be more specific. I think it is natural when anyone has a run in with the big C to think about what the future holds. Meeting Kenneth has forced me to think about what I really want out of life, places I want to go and things I want to achieve. The trouble I am having is that I really am terrible at making decisions and I am not sure that I even know what I really want, but at least I'm thinking about it! (***I do know that I really want a Chanel handbag so if anyone wants to buy me one I wouldn't complain).

The weather down here has been amazing and I have been so frustrated that I am not allowed to spend time outside. Stupid antibiotics (*no direct sunlight)! I made the mistake of ignoring this guidance once when I was traveling with my friend Izzy, I spent about 10 minutes in the sun whilst waiting for a ferry and when we arrived at our destination my face was covered in an unsightly rash. I was not happy!
In an attempt to amuse myself (its feels wrong to be sat on the sofa watching TV when the sun is streaming in) I have been attempting to make some yummy food, now that I finally have enough energy to care about cooking. It helps that when I got out of hospital I found this box of healthy goodness waiting for me..

THANK YOU NIA

You may wonder why I wrote attempting and not just making. (**cough, future husband look away now please). Well let me just say that my tomato, red pepper, mushroom and spinach omelet didn't look quite as it was supposed to. Oh alright I might as well confess. It looked more like scrambled egg with veg than an omelet. Whoops! BUT at least I tried! I did however do better with dinner...

 

I have this pesky bruise on my stomach that is causing me a fair bit of strife. It seems to be growing and is in such an awkward place! I had it checked by the doc and it's fine but could apparently take a MONTH to heal. Great. Yet another perk of the hospital, it was them that injected me causing this bruise in the first place. It seems chemo might haunt me for a little while longer!

 

I have had a little trouble sleeping recently. The other night I was wondering how I might look with a pixie crop and was looking through photos. I found this (taken less than 6 months ago)...

Hoping I will rock the crop! I think the thing I miss most from seeing this picture is actually not the hair but the eyelashes! Mine are very short and patchy now and I have no bottom lashes. I'm hoping it won't take too long for them to regrow. I would really like some in time for my birthday in June. So if everyone could please start praying for fast hair growth that would be great!

Love you long time. X

Session 6/6 of the toxic nasties

After a minor set back yesterday, when I wasn't sure if I would be allowed chemo because I got some blood test results back that perhaps indicated that the reason I had been so poorly last time was because the infection may have been in my blood, my standard bloods were OK and so today I was allowed to go ahead. On 19^th April 2013 I had chemotherapy session 6/6. I can’t say that it has been an easy journey and I know the next couple of weeks will not be fun, but I also know that it has all been worth it. Kenneth has shrunk, I couldn’t ask for more (*not entirely true, I am also praying for no neutropenic sepsis and an infection free last session). If I don’t write for a little while, I am sure you all know by now that, it is not because I don’t want to, it is because I don’t feel well enough too. I also had my Herceptin treatment today too, so I am not sure whether this will make this session better or worse.

I want to thank all the amazing nurses/staff in the Derriford Hospital Oncology department. They were all so lovely and made my treatment as easy as it could be. They answered any questions I had and always, always greeted me with a smile. I especially want to thank Trish on reception, Jenny, Mary and Bernadette (from Chemotherapy), Denise (from Brent ward) and Laura (from Birch ward).

I am currently preparing a couple of posts with my chemotherapy tips and I am also writing a special beauty related one too.

For now I wish you all a happy weekend.

Love you long time. X