I'm climbing a mountain, no actually...

Hi everyone,

So I know its been a long time since I checked in with you all. A lot has happened. I went traveling with Caitlin for 2 months and have got a place to go back to University in September to do a masters degree in Environmental Policy and Management! But before I go back to school I am climbing a mountain to raise money for Coppafeel! 

At the end of August I will spend 6 days climbing the Mountain that is Macchu Pichu in Peru with my legendary friend Lucy. Why am I doing this you might wonder? The answer my friends is that I thought it was about time I got my act together and raised some money for the wonderful charity Coppafeel! Family and friends have all done things to raise money for them before and now its my turn...

I have been making a video blog on you tube in a bid to raise awareness and also to try and show people why raising money for Coppafeel! is so important to me. The first two include flashback videos of when I was going through treatment, you can finally see what it was like for me to have my hair shaved off! I will also be making some videos to keep everyone updated on how my training is going.

You can sponsor me here

 https://coppafeelmachupicchu.everydayhero.com/uk/laura

Please Please Please help me to raise as much money as possible for this amazing charity. Your support means the world to me.

Here are my Vlogs..

https://coppafeelmachupicchu.everydayhero.com/uk/laura
Love you long time. X

A very nice surprise and a couple of wet eyes.

Today for the first time in a very long while, I cried with happiness. Not a big cry, just a few little tear drops escaped my eyes. I quickly wiped them away and replaced them with the world’s biggest smile because today something happened that made all of this nastiness worth it. Something positive has come from the biggest negative in my life. But before I tell you all my exciting news, let me just fill you in on the last couple of days.

I saw my plastic surgeon on Monday. When he looked at his handiwork the words “DING DONG” actually came out of his mouth *cue blushes. I mean that has got to be good news right? I still need to have a couple of other operations to finish things off but I must say that I am also pretty happy with the result so far. Once I am all healed the only unsual thing about me will be my scars. Scars that I will learn to be proud of because they will remind me of my strength. They are my battle scars. A battle that I am planning on winning. I’m trying to focus on the positives, not dwell on the negatives. I’m no psychologist but I reckon if we all did that we would be much happier.

I have also been working on how to rock the whole very short hair look. It is pretty difficult to feel feminine with hair this short. I actually turned a little diva-ish the other day and rocked it out with some pretty mega accessories…

I have also been busy thanking the Universe muchly for Beyonce, Rhianna, Jessie J and their new short hair do’s. Maybe people will now just think I’m bang on trend with my hairstyle and did it through choice. That’s what I’m hoping anyway. For once in my life maybe I’ll be one of the cool kids?! *cough cough.

I have been writing this blog for nearly eight months. I have heard from and made friends with other women unfortunate enough to meet Kenneths of their own. Some of them also named their lumps and that I see that as a big compliment. This blog has also allowed me to meet some younger people diagnosed with other forms of cancer or serious illnesses. To hear from them that reading about my experience helps them in some way is amazing. Actually, I can’t believe how many people have now read my little old blog, the majority of these people do not even have cancer themselves but read anyway and that also amazes me. I never thought so many of you would be interested in my little life. Strangers that I do not even know are rooting for me and willing me to get better and not just from this country, people from all over the world have been in touch. When I started writing I didn’t expect anyone to actually read the blog let alone like it!

Some of you lovely people must have nominated me for a pretty big award in the blogging community because today I found out that my blog is one of ten to have been shortlisted *hence the happy tears* in the best newcomer category. I got a pretty big shock to discover a comment left on one of my posts today from someone telling me they had voted for me to win and loved the blog. I didn’t even know I was shortlisted and I reread the comment about 20 times. I couldn’t believe it, it was the best surprise ever. I cried in the Tesco car park surrounded by far too many people (I'm blaming Tamoxifen for messing with my emotions). It was right up there in my top ten embarrassing moments (along with Gangnam styling on the table tops of my local bar the day after my diagnosis but the less said about that the better). I feel very honoured to be in a category with so many other great blogs.

Really what I want to say is thank you to all of you because you make my life so much better and if I have helped any of you in anyway then all my struggles have been worth it! Raising awareness and helping others was what I set out to do. I wanted people to realise life with the big C doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom. I did my best to make you smile as well as talking about difficult things. By writing about my life and experiences to you all I discovered so much about myself and wrote things that I struggled to say aloud. I fell in love with writing, I met friends and I had my faith in the world restored. Hopefully one day no blogs like mine will be needed because someone will find a cure for this naughty disease, but for now I will keep writing so please help me to continue to raise awareness. Share the blog, continue to support Coppafeel! and most importantly keep checking those boobies.

Love you long time. X

Nice nails, mocktails and a possible UFO...

Hello hello, it’s me again! 

I am getting better everyday which is really super nice! I hit a little bump last week and managed to get an infection in one of my wounds but other than that it has just been a slow slog on the road to recovery.

Since I last wrote to you all the wonderful cyclists completed their bike ride and managed to raise a whopping £6200! How amazing are they? I am so proud of them all. 

My hair and eyelashes are growing back which is SO nice and I am really enjoying putting make up back on…

I even painted my nails…

I’ve been catching up with friends…

(That is a mocktail by the way)

Going on walks…

And watching fireworks...

Firework or UFO?

In other news I have been attempting to work on the book, although it is proving more difficult than I thought it would be. I saw my oncologist a couple of weeks ago and found out that I may have to have radiotherapy too which was a slight blow. I find out in two weeks what his decision is. I trust him one hundred percent and will respect whatever decision he makes even if it isn’t the one that I want. Other than that I don't really have any more news. I’m having a check up with my plastic surgeon tomorrow so I will let you know how that goes. Seriously though I am sorry that I don’t have anything more exciting to tell you.  

I will leave you all to get back to your Sunday.

Love you long time. X 

Danger mouse, dynamo and some cycling fanatics...

Hello everyone.

I have missed blogging so much that I thought I would treat you all to as many posts as I can master. I haven’t done much since I last wrote. I have just been busy recovering. However I have had one particularly unforgettable experience.

One evening whilst home alone waiting for Madre and Naomi to return from her graduation (eek well done her, she graduated with a first... clever or what?) I saw a mouse. An actual mouse ran across my living room floor. Naturally I remained cool, calm and collected. I did not squeal or panic or lock myself upstairs in my bedroom and barricade the door. Nope not me ;-). When Madre and Naomi eventually returned they too saw the mouse. It made its' return appearance in Naomi’s bedroom. Ha. I shouldn’t laugh but I was immensely grateful that the mouse was not in my room, the gods were on my side this once. After failed attempts by both Naomi and Madre to capture the mouse in a waste paper bin, a trap was laid. This trap was put outside N’s room on the landing. Needless to say the mouse was too clever and managed to avoid the trap.

Late the next night Naomi and I were just chilling downstairs when the mouse appeared to me once again. It seems to like Naomi and popped its head out from under the sofa where she was sat. Once again I calmly alerted her to its presence. I went to get a broom. I thought that like in Disney’s Cinderella using my broom I could sweep and chase the mouse out of the house. Don’t believe everything that Disney teaches you. For this method of mouse removal is also unsuccessful. Mice are pretty quick movers.

The mouse disappeared and Naomi and I got engrossed in watching Dynamo on the telly. He really is amazing. He turned a water fountain in Ibiza into ICE. We were busy talking about how great he is when we heard a bang. Looking at each other in horror we realised that the bang we heard must have been the mouse trap. What were we supposed to do now? We had to go upstairs to see if it was the mouse we heard. I decided that Naomi should go first and I would follow. Naomi had just about reached the first stair when the mouse turned Kamikaze on us. It launched itself, whilst partially caught in the trap, over the banister and flying an inch from Naomi’s face landed on the stairs. We both screamed. A split second later I was stood on the sofa still screaming and watching in horror as the mouse ran down the stairs and began running in circles around the floor. It had just one leg caught in the trap.

I was screaming, Naomi was screaming, the mouse was screaming and if the neighbours didn’t already think we were weird, they sure did now. Eventually Naomi was the brave one and using my broom (I knew Cinderella would help me in some way) she swept the mouse into a waste paper bin, donned some rubber gloves and set off up the road to set our unwelcome visitor free. I would like to add that she was wearing her pyjamas and no shoes, so at least the neighbours can now associate her with the weirdness and not me. Anyway after our experience meeting the real life danger mouse nothing else this week has really caught my attention.

Now that I am feeling more human I have been taking the time to figure out what I want to do with my life. I’m not sure that I really know, but I did get an idea. I thought why not write a novel based loosely on my own story. What a great way to raise awareness. If I aimed it at women 18-40 years old they could read it tell their friends, spread the word. So on Sunday I decided to start writing. I also figure that by revealing my plans to you my devoted readers, it means I am less likely to chicken out and more likely to follow the idea through. I may find that actually book writing is not for me but at least I will have given it a go. If the book is rubbish they hey, its rubbish but if I don’t try I won’t succeed. And like my grandpa used to say ‘if at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again’. So that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

In other exciting news I put MASCARA on yesterday. Yes that’s right my eyelashes are beginning to appear. WAHOOOOO! Right now the only problem I have is that my bottom lashes are significantly longer than my top lashes and that my right eye has way less lashes than the left. But hey, at least I have some lashes now. 

As I sit here typing this sipping tea, curled up on the sofa, my sister, 3 of my cousins and a friend are busy cycling. Over 2 and a half days they are travelling from Bristol (where I spent three of the happiest years of my life at University) to Salcombe (where I live now) across a distance of nearly 200 miles. Why are they doing this? Is it of a strange love of cycling? Is it because they love a challenge? Is it because they need a bit of lycra in their lives? Probably yes to some of these questions but the real reason they are punishing themselves is because they love me. They are busy trying to raise as much money as possible for Coppafeel! and Breakthrough Breast Cancer. Two charities close to my heart. These charities do some AMAZING work and if anybody reading this wants to support them by sponsoring some wonderful people on their cycling crusade please donate by clicking here. So proud of them all and thinking about them constantly.

That's all from me today folks,

Love you long time. X

Operation kick Kenneth out!

Hello my lovelies. I cannot believe it has been over 4 weeks since I last blogged. I am very sorry. I do however have a genuine excuse for my poor attendance. All will be explained later…

So here I am nearly 5 weeks post surgery writing to you all KENNETH FREE. I could pretend that everything has been sunshine and giggles for the past 5 weeks, but that would be all I was doing, pretending I mean. You see in truth moments of the past 5 weeks have probably been some of the hardest moments of my life and it would be wrong of me to pretend otherwise. Although I have remained fairly upbeat and positive throughout my treatment, there were some moments where I was overcome with grief. These moments were all experienced during my two week post op hospital stay and I can honestly say that not one tear has been shed since I returned home. I am also blaming the morphine for some of my mini breakdowns. I’m going to split this blog into sections to make it easier for some of you to digest, but I am warning you it is a long one.

THE OPERATION (18/06/2013)

I woke up in hospital on the day of my operation feeling surprisingly calm. Madre came into the hospital and accompanied me whilst I waited to see my surgeons, sign consent forms and finally be wheeled off to have my anaesthetic. My plastic surgeon (who by the way is one of my favourite doctors ever) was amazing with me on the morning of surgery. He came in, gave me a hug and promised that he would look after me and I completely trusted that he would do just that. I remember signing consent forms and suddenly beginning to feel nervous. I did my best not to let it show but I think a tear or two did silently slip down my cheek. The anaesthetist and her team were really great with me and before I knew it I was sound asleep. 

The first thing I remember after waking up was an overwhelming pain in my shoulder. Yes that’s right my shoulder, not my operation sites. I was given more pain relief and I saw a couple of lovely friends (because Madre wasn’t quite at the hospital yet). I can barely remember what we talked about and I don’t think I want to. It is in the past now and all I know is that I really did not feel well. I was told the operation was successful but took nearly 12 and a half hours. I was then moved to intensive care where I finally got to see my mum. I remember complaining about being thirsty and I swear the first glass of water I had was the best glass of water I’ve ever drank in my life. It wasn’t long before I began to realise that something was wrong with my left arm. 

I couldn’t move it. I couldn’t feel it. Surely this wasn’t supposed to happen. The nurse told me it was probably because of the arterial line I had in my arm (a big old tube in my artery). I felt a bit like Frankenstine, my body didn’t really feel like my own. I had two drips in my feet because the veins in my arm were so destroyed from chemo. I was being pumped with all kinds of things. My blood pressure was really low and so I had loads of fluid to try and bring it up, I also needed magnesium and other things I had low levels of. I was so swollen I felt like a balloon. The nurse promised me it was temporary although I didn’t believe her. All the while I was wrapped in a plastic blanket that had hot air being pumped through it called a bear hugger. I hated it. I was uncomfortable, sore and feeling pretty rotten. Late the next night I was finally moved out of ICU to a normal ward.

I didn’t like it. Something didn’t feel right. I felt really poorly. To make matters worse I then got a temperature. I was boiling but the nurses wouldn’t let me take the blanket off. In all honesty it was one of the worse nights of my life. I have never felt so poorly, ever. I was uncomfortable, tired and hot. SO hot. I had doctors coming in to check on me, drain blood blisters, give me blood transfusions and IV antibiotics. I knew something was wrong. Eventually the next morning I saw my surgeon and was told I had to go back to surgery. Luckily Snoop Doggy Rob was on his way and this time it was his turn to come with me to theatre. I think it is safe to say that both of us were pretty anxious. My veins were playing up and so I had to have a central line put in. For those of you who don’t know, a central line is a tube that goes in your neck and connects to a large vein by your heart. It is held in place by a stitch and although it wasn’t painful it was pretty uncomfortable as it had 3 tubes hanging off it. It was really useful though as it meant no more needles for me. All blood tests, blood transfusions and drugs could all happen from this one point, my hands and feet were free.

WEEK ONE POST OP (or should I say ops)

The second operation went well and luckily that was the last time I had to go to theatre. I had to have another two units of blood via a transfusion but then it was just a question of trying to control my pain. I was very uncomfortable I hated not being able to sleep on my side and being wrapped in plastic all the time. I was worried about my arm which I still couldn’t move but the thing that hurt the most was my stomach. Every time the nurses made me move position I was convinced I had ripped my stomach open. The first time I sat in a chair, 6 days post op, I sat like a hunched old woman for about half an hour before having to return to bed, exhausted. I had 6 drains attached to me that made life even more uncomfortable. At 22 years old I felt like a pensioner. I relied on nurses to wash me, dress me, pass me a drink. The only thing that made life bearable was my daily visitors. Snoop Doggy Rob came to see me every morning and spoon fed me smoothies, Madre massaged my dead arm to try and bring it back to life, Jane kept me up to date with gossip and Lucy didn’t bat an eyelid when I threw up all over her. I also have to mention my favourite nurse ever Hannah who is a young adults with cancer specialist nurse, who regularly came to visit me and cheer me up!

BIRTHDAY

Unfortunately I wasn’t feeling that well on my birthday. To make matters worse I had dressings changed, 2 drains removed and I also had another moment when I was completely convinced I’d ripped my stitches (I hadn’t). I think it is fair to say that really I didn’t have the best of days. BUT you lot did yourselves proud on the card front. I have never ever seen so many cards in my life!! THANK YOU. Unfortunately though I couldn’t open one card or present myself because of my stupid arm, Naomi and Lucy did the honours. I received some lovely gifts and I’m sorry I was so bad at thanking you all, but please know that I am so grateful! Even when I didn’t have visitors I never felt alone surrounded by your messages of love and support. The cards covered an entire wall in my hospital room, a window sill and a ledge behind my bed. The best happy birthday song was from Hannah, she knows why!

The wall of love grew much more but this was it on the actual day

There were hundreds more cards behind me but I couldn't turn around to take a picture

WEEK TWO POST OP

I began to get some feeling and movement back in my arm but I still had pins and needles, numbness and was beginning to have some serious pains in my joints. I had lots and lots of physio on my arm but also on my legs because being completely bed ridden for a week meant that my muscles had wasted and I could barely stand let alone walk. Doctors began to investigate what was wrong with my arm and told me that I had some nerve damage. Throughout the week I gradually had the rest of my drains removed. In time I gradually began walking (I say walking but everyone who saw me probably thought it was more like watching the hunchback of Notre Dame after one too many drinks). When I proved I could safely walk up the stairs I was allowed to go home. The car journey home was hugely uncomfortable but I made it all in one piece.

RECOVERY

Anybody reading this who is about to have this operation please don’t freak out. The nurses will be great (with a few exceptions) and normally you are allowed home after a week. I was different because I had my surgery after chemo and so my immune system wasn’t tip top, therefore it took me a while to shift my infection. The hardest part of my recovery was all arm related and the chance of your arm being damaged is exceptionally small. Nerve pain is the worst pain ever and my arm distracted me from everything else, I was ready to chop it off when finally the doctor gave me some nerve specific painkillers that actually worked. I had some tests at the hospital on Wednesday and they have said my Radial nerve is damaged (explaining why my thumb is still numb and difficult to move). Hopefully with time it will improve but I may never have complete sensation back in the arm. Bummer. Now that my pain is under control and I can move my fingers a bit better I am finally able to type. I do have to have regular breaks though as my arm gets easily tired. I am still unable to grip anything so I have learnt to eat one handed, open bottles one handed in fact really my right arm is pretty darn amazing!

I spent a lot of time watching Wimbledon and tried to spend a little time in the sun. I have had lots of visitors including these guys...

In terms of boobs everything is OK, I still have some open wounds (again because of rubbish immune system) that the lovely district nurses come to look after and there is still a lot of swelling, so really it’s pretty early days to be judging them. I am yet to have my follow up appointment with my surgeon but I am sure he will tell me more. But as i type to you now I am pretty happy with them. The scar on my stomach is massive but it's not as ugly as I thought it would be and again I know that with time it will get better. Funnily enough when I did get home part of my stomach scar did reopen but again the district nurses are sorting me out. 

So all in all after a pretty tough five weeks I am now on the mend and finally beginning to feel more human. I am looking forward to living my life and creating some happy memories for 2013. A full recovery is going to take a long time, I am still very tired, covered in cuts and bruises and mentally exhausted but I have proven to myself how brave I really am. I have learned that sometimes it is OK to cry, in fact its natural and part of the healing process. I’ve realised that sometimes I need to let people know how I’m really feeling because they can actually help. Most importantly I now firmly believe that having conquered the last eight months I really can do anything! 

Love you long time. X

ps. check out my new hair!!

Picnics and hospital tricks...

Hello hello,

Hope everyone is doing well?!
It has been a little while since I have written a 'proper' post and so I thought I would treat you all to a little insight into the world of Laura this past week or so.
What news do I have for you all? Well it is hopefully less than 2 weeks until Kenneth is finally evicted out of his current home and forced to live for the remainder of his days in some medical waste site. WAHOO! At the moment I am looking at a surgery date of 18th June. The only slight downside of this is that I will be spending my birthday in hospital :( but I am hoping that maybe this means I will be extra spoiled? For those of you that don't know *cough cough* it is June 24th.

I am feeling much better about surgery now. I had a great meeting with my plastic surgeon on Monday and now feel as ready as I will ever be, if Angelina Jolie can do it so can I! I cannot wait to be on the home run. I have no idea how long it will take me to recover from the surgery. I know that it is a pretty major operation and I can expect to be in hospital for at least 10 days but I have no idea what happens after that. I have heard it can take up to 6 months. BUT once surgery is over and done with the only therapies I will have left are Herceptin every three weeks and Tamoxifen tablets (5 years).

In other news, my cousin Olivia came to stay last week which was really lovely. Snoop Doggy Rob took us out for lunch which was very nice and then we went on a mini adventure. I drove us to all the local beaches I could and we finished by having an ice cream at my favourite place The Winking Prawn. We then spent the remainder of our day cooking fajitas, drinking pink bubbles and laughing a lot (whilst in our pj's I might add, we know how to style it out!). It was so much fun. 

On Friday the lovely Jane (Lucy's mum) took me to have my Herceptin. We also had a great day and had a yummy lunch in the sunshine. I got to see all the chemo nurses and they all remembered me which was nice. They call me 'the lovely Laura'. I like this nickname.

Me and Madre went for a picinic and walk to make the most of the sunshine at the weekend.

Where we ate our picnic :)

I really really love the sunshine. It makes everyone a whole bunch happier.

Monday was spent at the hospital, having CT scans, surgery chats and pre-op assessments. It was the first time I wore my pink hair to the hospital and I got so many compliments that I may well wear it again! I was so brave in my plastic surgery appointment. I overcame my shyness and asked all of the embarassing questions that I needed too. When we left the hospital I was in such a good mood that I even made up my own theme tune. I was in Marks and Spencer singing/humming away to myself without a care in the world. I didn't care if people thought I was weird. The girl with the bright pink hair humming as she selected her apples. I was having a ball.

It has been a super long time since I last wrote about my beauty woes. My hair is growing back nicely, I almost have a full covering of hair which is very exciting. However Summer is proving to be difficult for head accessorizing. I find I often get too hot in my wig and beanies. What can I do? I have tried some Summery hats on but they all look weird as I seem to have a small head and the hats are just too big. When I have more hair I think I will be able to get away with them, but for now I just look like a mutant extra large baby in a sunhat. Especially when I put my factor 50 suncream on too.

My eyelashes are still falling out. This does not seem fair, surely they too should be growing back? I have about 4 lashes on my left eye and maybe 7 on the right (but they are very short). I am missing them very much. It is amazing how much difference eye lashes make to your face. I find myself staring at other people's lashes in envy (I probably look a bit creepy actually, maybe I should stop that) wishing I too had both upper and lower lashes.

I also need to say a big thank you and well done to everyone who has been doing fundraising recently...

My wonderful cousin and Uncle who ran the Manchester 10K

Nia who did the Race for life (She has already done the Reading half marathon too!).

And finally to Snoop Doggy Rob and Jane who are VERY busy doing SO much fundraising it is unreal. What superstars!! They are doing lots and lots of house and garden tours. They even wrote a book!

THANK YOU EVERYONE and I love you all lots and lots!

I am looking forward to the weekend. My little sister Naomi is coming to stay. Yay. She will have finished her Finals *proud face* and is coming home to celebrate. So I will end this post with a little flashback photo of me and her back in the days when I had both hair AND eyelashes.

Love you long time. X

Post-chemo fun times....

Hello hello,

I know it's been a long time since I've written, but for once the reason is not hospital related!! The truth is, I have been having such a nice time making the most of my freedom, that I'm sorry to say I neglected my blogging duties! But here I am, back with a bang and with lots of news for you all.

Since I last wrote my surgery plans have changed quite drastically. I won't bore you all with the details but I am no longer having surgery on the 20th May. I am also no longer having radiotherapy. I am instead having a double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction probably around July time. I know what you will all be thinking... WOAH, big change. The decision was made jointly by me and my surgeons and although recovering from a major operation is not how I dreamt I would be spending my summer, it does mean I am doing everything I can to prevent Kenneth returning! Oh and did I mention that reconstruction means I'll also have a super flat tummy at the end too? That sunshine holiday I've been dreaming of may be a little delayed but by the time I get there I'll hopefully be rocking a brand new bikini bod!

Last week I had a photo shoot to get some piccies for the top secret article I mentioned I have written. I had so much fun and the photographer and make up artist were amazing. Wanna sneak peek at my make up?? Oh go on then....

And then after a day of looking silly trying to smile for the camera I got the best surprise ever. Two of my best friends Phoebe and Alex had come on a surprise visit to see me (planned and kept secret from me with the lovely Lucy). Alex was back from Australia and Phoebe came down from London. It was so so so nice to see them, we laughed and 'danced' a whole bunch and I'm not sure I have smiled so much in a long time.

Once they had left me I then got to spend the weeked with my little sister Naomi!! And again most of the weekend was spent laughing and dancing especially on Saturday night when we were joined by Jess and Caitlin for a girlie night out.

I seem to be rocking the pink hair quite a lot recently. I even wore it whilst hanging out with little Bella. Notice that I'm colouring in again, I seem to have developed a little new found love for arts and crafts.

Tomorrow I am off to London and then on to Paris for the weekend and I can't wait to tell you all about it when I return. But for now I shall leave you with a picture of my new favourite brekkie...
blueberry, banana, raspberry and coconut milk yoghurt smoothie! YUM

Love you long time. X

 

Coping with Chemotherapy. Advice from a hair obsessed chemotherapy graduate. Part one- general.

Hello everyone,
I have been threatening to write this for a while and now that I am a fully qualified chemotherapy graduate I have decided that now is the time.

I had six treatments of chemo, the first three were FEC and the second three were Taxotere. The most important thing I can tell you, is that every single person deals with chemotherapy differently. Everyone experiences side effects in different ways. Some people are absolutely fine and even manage to work (how they do this I will never know, huge amount of jealousy and respect from me), other people have a slightly harder time. I was one of these people. Panic not, if I can make it to the end, anyone can. It may not feel like it at the time but eventually it will all be over and you will feel like a human again.

The purpose of this blog post is to list everything that I found helpful during my chemotherapy in the hope it can help some of you too. I am not claiming to know everything and can only offer advice based on my own experiences but I do hope it helps. Please feel free to comment if you have any other tips.

•          WATER

Drink it. Lots of it. This is particularly important to do the day before, the day of and the day after each treatment. I tried to drink at least 2 litres, ideally 2 and a half. Believe me it makes a big difference to how you feel.

•          Keep your arm as warm as possible after chemo

I cut the end off of a fluffy sock and wore that on my arm. I suffered with phlebitis and keeping your arm warm really helps.

•          Try to keep active

I know this is harder than it sounds, even just going for some gentle walks can really help. 

•          Listen to your body

It tells you what you need. If you are tired, rest. If you are hungry, eat. If you crave a particular food, have it. Don’t try to push yourself too hard too soon, it won’t help.

•          Moisturise

I found that my skin got really dry during both treatments, particularly my hands and face, so invest in some good moisturiser and keep hydrated. You don’t want wrinkles on top of everything else!

•          Invest in an ear thermometer

They give a more accurate measure and are easy to use. You will learn to love it. Checking my temperature became part of my daily routine!

•          Hair loss 

This is a biggie for most people. In my case, I knew it was inevitable, but some people on different chemotherapy drugs keep their hair. I waited until it became too distressing to watch it fall out any longer and took myself off to the hair dresser, chosing to have it shaved into various different hairstyles for a laugh before shaving the last bit off myself. You can see how I dealt with it here. 

•          Have a bag packed ready for any unexpected hospital trips

In this bag you need; pyjamas, socks, slippers, a jumper or cardigan that opens at the front, toiletries, a towel, a book/puzzle book, spare underwear, a change of comfy clothes or at least clean t-shirts and leggings, iPod/iPad (optional), phone charger. Having some home comforts makes any hospital stay that little bit better.

•          Plan fun things for the ‘good’ week of your treatment cycle

It gives you things to look forward to and something to aim towards when you are feeling rubbish. I tried to see Snoop Doggy Rob, or go for lunch with friends and as I’m sure you all know I did the odd bit of online shopping too. Hey, it made me feel better so I thought why not?

•          Make the most of this time in bed/on the sofa

Read the books you always meant to and watch the films and TV series that you never had time to.

•          Taste change

This can be horrible. I often found cold foods tasted better and drinks worked best with a straw.

•          Bonjela

I got mouth ulcers but found bonjela worked a treat. The doc can also give you mouth wash which also helps.

•          Be organised

Keep all of your hospital letters/leaflets in an easy to find folder, that way if you or anyone else need to find anything quickly you know where it is.

•          Let people look after you

I struggled with this one. I always felt like a burden, but the truth is your family and friends want to help you. They want to do anything they can to make you feel a bit better. If you push them away you are not helping anyone, especially not yourself.

•          Don’t be too hard on yourself

There will be times when you want to scream, cry, shout and laugh. Do it, you need to do whatever you can to make yourself better. Bottling up your emotions won’t help. I learnt this the hard way, don’t make the same mistake. 

•          Be honest

With other people and with yourself. If someone asks how you feel, the natural response is to say you feel fine. If this isn’t true people can tell. Your face/eyes give everything away. Madre told me this early on and so I learnt albeit reluctantly to tell her the truth about how I was feeling. If you don’t feel well call your hospital ward, they will try their best to help. Don’t pretend you are fine, when you aren’t. Spotting and dealing with symptoms early is the key to staying well, again I learnt this the hard way.  

I hope that this helps at least some of you. The thing to remember is that it will all be worth it once you have finished!

Love you long time. X

Stage one of Kenneth busting... DONE!

Hello hello.

Just a short post today I'm afraid, but I thought I'd just check in with you all to let you know how I am doing! No more toxic nasties. I can't believe it. WOOOOHOOOOO!!!
The last round, unfortunately didn't go without a little stay in hospital. 2 nights with a chest infection. I am now safely home, with antibiotics to take for the best part of two weeks, and starting to feel better. It also helped that I received two bunches of beautiful flowers.

It feels so good knowing I've made it through stage one of Kenneth busting treatment! Now that I am finally on the mend from the rubbishness of the toxic nasties I have been thinking a lot about the future. My future to be more specific. I think it is natural when anyone has a run in with the big C to think about what the future holds. Meeting Kenneth has forced me to think about what I really want out of life, places I want to go and things I want to achieve. The trouble I am having is that I really am terrible at making decisions and I am not sure that I even know what I really want, but at least I'm thinking about it! (***I do know that I really want a Chanel handbag so if anyone wants to buy me one I wouldn't complain).

The weather down here has been amazing and I have been so frustrated that I am not allowed to spend time outside. Stupid antibiotics (*no direct sunlight)! I made the mistake of ignoring this guidance once when I was traveling with my friend Izzy, I spent about 10 minutes in the sun whilst waiting for a ferry and when we arrived at our destination my face was covered in an unsightly rash. I was not happy!
In an attempt to amuse myself (its feels wrong to be sat on the sofa watching TV when the sun is streaming in) I have been attempting to make some yummy food, now that I finally have enough energy to care about cooking. It helps that when I got out of hospital I found this box of healthy goodness waiting for me..

THANK YOU NIA

You may wonder why I wrote attempting and not just making. (**cough, future husband look away now please). Well let me just say that my tomato, red pepper, mushroom and spinach omelet didn't look quite as it was supposed to. Oh alright I might as well confess. It looked more like scrambled egg with veg than an omelet. Whoops! BUT at least I tried! I did however do better with dinner...

 

I have this pesky bruise on my stomach that is causing me a fair bit of strife. It seems to be growing and is in such an awkward place! I had it checked by the doc and it's fine but could apparently take a MONTH to heal. Great. Yet another perk of the hospital, it was them that injected me causing this bruise in the first place. It seems chemo might haunt me for a little while longer!

 

I have had a little trouble sleeping recently. The other night I was wondering how I might look with a pixie crop and was looking through photos. I found this (taken less than 6 months ago)...

Hoping I will rock the crop! I think the thing I miss most from seeing this picture is actually not the hair but the eyelashes! Mine are very short and patchy now and I have no bottom lashes. I'm hoping it won't take too long for them to regrow. I would really like some in time for my birthday in June. So if everyone could please start praying for fast hair growth that would be great!

Love you long time. X

Decisions, mystery gifts and eyebrow/lash hints

Hello hello.

I have had a crazy few days. After my good news on Thursday I had a lovely weekend with my Auntie Janet and sister Naomi, who came to stay with me and Madre. We laughed, we shopped, we ate yummy things and we spent lots of quality time together!

Cream tea, YUM.

On Monday night I had a girls night in with some friends I used to work with. We laughed too much, ate yummy ice cream, watched some TV and painted our nails.

Chloe, me and Harrie

My summery choice of colours

Tuesday arrived with a bang. I had a hospital appointment to discuss my surgery options. I have a date for surgery now, Monday May 20th. It is almost impossible for me to make the decision about what surgery to have. I am terrible at making my own decisions. I struggle to chose what breakfast cereal to eat in the mornings, choosing what A Levels to take caused me many a problem at school. How am I supposed to make a decision about what surgery to have? I don't want to make the decision. What if I make the wrong choice, it could change my life forever. I wish the doctors would just tell me what to do. There are pros and cons associated with all the options and it's up to me to weigh them up and make a decision. Lose the lump, lose the boob, lose both boobs or lose the lump and then both boobs a bit later on? In an ideal world I wouldn't need surgery at all. Of all the things I knew I was going to have to face when Kenneth came along, it has always been surgery that scared me the most. I don't know why. Surgery removes Kenneth which is great but it also removes things that I want to keep. I have only known my boobs for a few years and I'm just not sure that I am ready to say goodbye to them in just a months time.

I've been wearing my new favourite slippers a lot in order to try and help me make a decision and to reassure myself that it will all be OK in the end. It has to be.

 

I am currently obsessed with the ITV drama Broadchurch, if you haven't seen it you need to get on ITV player now. TV wise I have also been watching the new series of Made in Chelsea and Game of Thrones and I am loving both of them! My film recommendations for this week are Argo (which I loved, even though the ending was intensely stressful) and Pitch Perfect (I genuinely laughed out loud, plus anything with Rebel Wilson in is great).

An amazing present arrived for me in the post today, but it didn't come with a gift card so I have no idea who I am supposed to be thanking?! Please come forward whoever you are. I love it and really want to say thank you!

LOVE this present thank you!

In other news, I have been experimenting with ways to disguise my thinning eyelashes/brows. I bought some individual fake eyelashes and got to work. What do you think?

Before and after.

My tool kit consisted of:

• Benefit brow zings kit in light
• MAC eyeshadow in embark
• MAC 208 angled brow brush
• Diorshow Art Pen
• MAC eyeshadow in scene
• Kiss Haute Couture individual false eyelashes (can buy in boots)

I used the angled brush and the shadow in the Benefit set to fill in the gaps in my brows. Then I used the embark MAC shadow to make hair like flicks in the more patchy areas at the front of my brows. My eyelashes are currently quite short and patchy, I tried a full set of false lashes and they struggled to stay put as they were not supported enough by my own lashes. This time I opted for the lighter individual lashes which I carefully placed along my lash line using tweezers. It took much longer than I thought to apply them but I think the result was worth all of the fiddly handy work. Once the glue had dried I used the Dior liquid liner on my upper lid to disguise any glue marks and give more definition to my eye. A cotton bud dipped in eye make up remover helped to correct any mistakes. I then used the MAC brow brush and the scene shadow to lightly define my lower lid as I do not have enough lashes to use mascara. Normally I would also use a gold eye shadow in the inner corners of my eyes to open them up but my lack of eyelashes means stray bits of glitter etc often end up irritating my eyes so I have had to skip this step.

The end result!

Removing the lashes was quite simple. Soak a cotton pad in eye make up remover press on to lids for a good 30 seconds and the lashes simply come away with the cotton pad.

I am currently in the process of writing my first feature for a magazine. I am beyond excited to be given this opportunity and I will of course let you all know when it is due to come out so you can all run out and grab a copy! I might also be doing a few columns for another magazine shortly afterwards which I am keeping all my finger and toes crossed for. I have now designated a specific bobble hat to be my 'writing hat'. I really am becoming such a loser. Never mind, it makes me happy. I am seriously beginning to dream that writing/journalism could be a serious career option for me. Who knows what the future holds I don't but I do know that nothing will stop me chasing my dreams now.

Love you long time. X