I'm back!

Hello friends,

I am so sorry for my absence from the blogging world. I have no excuses other than I have just been busy living my life. It has been amazing to return to work and start doing other things that don't require me to plan around hospital hospital appointments.

I have a few things to update you all on...

My hair and eyelashes are growing/have grown!!!

(This photo was taken today)

The documentary I did that teensie tiny bit of filming for mentioned here, is on BBC Three at 9pm on Wednesday. It is all about the founder of Coppafeel! Kris Hallenga and it is going to be an eye opener for sure. I would love as many of you as possible to have a watch. She is one amazing lady and she has a story that needs to be heard.

Me and Kris on the day of filming

I have also written my first ever piece for a Women's glossy magazine in the June edition of Cosmpolitan UK (available to buy in May). I am beyond excited to see my very own words in print in my favourite magazine, a dream of mine for a long time.

On October 1st I am going to be taking part in The Show for Breast Cancer Care. This is a fashion show where all the models have had breast cancer. It will completely put me out of my comfort zone but I think this is a good thing. I am really excited about it and can't wait to meet the other ladies and gents taking part.

Since January I have also had a lifestyle overhaul. I have cut out dairy products from my diet (apart from the odd cup of tea and square of dark chocolate, I am only human after all) and have drastically reduced my sugar intake and I feel SO much healthier. I have more energy, my skin is clearer and I am finally losing my chemo/tamoxifen weight. I plan to do a blog post all about what I have learned about nutrition for cancer patients soon. There is a lot of information surrounding the whole "if you have breast cancer should you eat dairy?" topic and whilst I do not believe that every breast cancer patient should remove dairy from their diet, as my tumour was hormone receptive it is just a decision I decided to make. I try to walk 15 miles a week as well, gradually building up my fitness.

I eat things like this...

Dairy free berry smoothie

Porridge with almond milk, blueberries and cinnamon.

Quinoa with red pepper and greens.

I am still obsessed with all things beauty. I am really enjoying having longer hair to style now and really hope to have a side fringe by my birthday in June. I have lots of new favourite products to tell you all about so I guess that is now two blog posts I owe you?

Finally, I have a little favour to ask you all. My 60 year old Dad has rather madly decided to run the London Marathon this year having never run before in his life. He is raising money for Coppafeel! and Breakthrough Breast Cancer and the funds will be split equally between them. If any of you would like to sponsor him please click on the just giving link here. Both of these charities do such great work and any support would be very welcome, even if it is just £1.

So I leave you all for now as I must get ready for the hospital to have some Herceptin but I promise to write again as soon as I can.

I took this photo the week I was diagnosed. I love it.

Love you long time. X

The other side of the big C...

Hi everyone, sorry for my absence from the blogging world. I don’t have an excuse other than the fact that for once in my life I haven’t really had much to say! *cue sniggers* Life has just been ticking along really. I got struck down with a nasty chest and throat infection last week which resulted in a few days in bed and yet more antibiotics but I managed to stay out of hospital which is a big bonus.

I am aware that as I write this I have a few new followers thanks to the lovely people at Fabulous magazine. I wrote an article that made a guest appearance in their mag a couple of Sundays ago *see below.

I had an overwhelming response from some readers and lots of lovely emails and tweets. I apologise for not replying to you all personally. I do my best, but please know that I really do love hearing from you and I massively appreciate the support you all give me.

What else have I been up to? Well I have had some lovely hospital appointments including some Herceptin drugs and CT scans/radio planning funness. I have also been spending some time with friends doing normal stuff like going to the cinema and having girls nights and do you know what? It has been great. I even did some nice make up…

I have lots of fun stuff coming up to look forward to before radio including a couple of trips to London and one mystery weekend away! In fact I am so excited I could burst.

One of the most important things that I have been doing of late is reflecting. I have finally had some time to myself and now that my brain isn’t fogged up from various drugs I can just sit and think. Sometimes all I think is woah. I mean WOAH. Seriously, this year has been crazy. I think when you are going through active treatment you don’t really let yourself think/dwell too much, well I didn’t anyway, you just sort of get on with things. It’s only when I’ve started feeling well again that I have really realised just how unwell I was and how much I have been through. I mean don’t get me wrong the scars I see everyday are a constant reminder but it’s only recently that I have really begun to understand what they mean and what they stand for. I know they will fade but they will never go away completely and I think that’s the thing about having cancer, even though you may be in remission for now there is always that fear niggling away in the corner of your brain making you think will it come back? Over time the worries fade but they never really go away.

Don’t get me wrong I am all for positive thinking but I think it is important for those of you lucky enough not to have met a Kenneth of your own to understand that it’s not just the physical side of having cancer that’s the problem, mentally it is exhausting too. Physically I may be mostly better but realistically mentally I think it could take a bit longer. This is not easy for me to admit. But the truth is that I am still a little bit scared. I may even be a little bit scared forever. However I have come to realise that this is normal and I am not the only one that will have a few worries from time to time. Not many people really talk about the mental side effects of cancer but I just wanted anyone else in the same situation as me to know that they are not alone in their thoughts and really it is OK to talk about it. What is it they say? A problem shared is a problem halved. So here I am sharing a problem with you and d’ya know what it really does feel a bit better.

 

In other news I am sure you will all be excited to know that I am now finally able to have baths.

I have once again been on some lovely walks.

And I have two new roommates. Two spiders living on my ceiling. George and Harry. Don’t worry they aren’t the big fat hairy kind of spider they are the thin whispery kind. We’ve made friends and the deal is that they are allowed to stay there (I am a bit too scared to try and capture them plus I can’t actually reach them) as long as they don’t come down to my level. My only worry is if George is actually a Georgina and then they have babies. Actually I’m also a bit frightened they’ll tell their mates they’ve found a safe place to live where they aren’t being hunted for once and then I’ll have some sort of spider clan living in my bedroom. But for now they seem to have listened to my demands and are staying put and there are no signs of baby spiders as of yet. This time last year I would have been on the phone frantically trying to find someone to get rid of them for me so I actually feel quite triumphant at my bravery. There is also a Cedric living in the top corner of my shower we have a similar deal, he stays where he is and he’s alright but if he comes anywhere near me whilst I’m in the shower then we’ve got a problem. 

I saw the most amazing rainbow the other day so I thought I would share it with you.

That’s all from me this week folks.

Love you long time. X

Picnics and hospital tricks...

Hello hello,

Hope everyone is doing well?!
It has been a little while since I have written a 'proper' post and so I thought I would treat you all to a little insight into the world of Laura this past week or so.
What news do I have for you all? Well it is hopefully less than 2 weeks until Kenneth is finally evicted out of his current home and forced to live for the remainder of his days in some medical waste site. WAHOO! At the moment I am looking at a surgery date of 18th June. The only slight downside of this is that I will be spending my birthday in hospital :( but I am hoping that maybe this means I will be extra spoiled? For those of you that don't know *cough cough* it is June 24th.

I am feeling much better about surgery now. I had a great meeting with my plastic surgeon on Monday and now feel as ready as I will ever be, if Angelina Jolie can do it so can I! I cannot wait to be on the home run. I have no idea how long it will take me to recover from the surgery. I know that it is a pretty major operation and I can expect to be in hospital for at least 10 days but I have no idea what happens after that. I have heard it can take up to 6 months. BUT once surgery is over and done with the only therapies I will have left are Herceptin every three weeks and Tamoxifen tablets (5 years).

In other news, my cousin Olivia came to stay last week which was really lovely. Snoop Doggy Rob took us out for lunch which was very nice and then we went on a mini adventure. I drove us to all the local beaches I could and we finished by having an ice cream at my favourite place The Winking Prawn. We then spent the remainder of our day cooking fajitas, drinking pink bubbles and laughing a lot (whilst in our pj's I might add, we know how to style it out!). It was so much fun. 

On Friday the lovely Jane (Lucy's mum) took me to have my Herceptin. We also had a great day and had a yummy lunch in the sunshine. I got to see all the chemo nurses and they all remembered me which was nice. They call me 'the lovely Laura'. I like this nickname.

Me and Madre went for a picinic and walk to make the most of the sunshine at the weekend.

Where we ate our picnic :)

I really really love the sunshine. It makes everyone a whole bunch happier.

Monday was spent at the hospital, having CT scans, surgery chats and pre-op assessments. It was the first time I wore my pink hair to the hospital and I got so many compliments that I may well wear it again! I was so brave in my plastic surgery appointment. I overcame my shyness and asked all of the embarassing questions that I needed too. When we left the hospital I was in such a good mood that I even made up my own theme tune. I was in Marks and Spencer singing/humming away to myself without a care in the world. I didn't care if people thought I was weird. The girl with the bright pink hair humming as she selected her apples. I was having a ball.

It has been a super long time since I last wrote about my beauty woes. My hair is growing back nicely, I almost have a full covering of hair which is very exciting. However Summer is proving to be difficult for head accessorizing. I find I often get too hot in my wig and beanies. What can I do? I have tried some Summery hats on but they all look weird as I seem to have a small head and the hats are just too big. When I have more hair I think I will be able to get away with them, but for now I just look like a mutant extra large baby in a sunhat. Especially when I put my factor 50 suncream on too.

My eyelashes are still falling out. This does not seem fair, surely they too should be growing back? I have about 4 lashes on my left eye and maybe 7 on the right (but they are very short). I am missing them very much. It is amazing how much difference eye lashes make to your face. I find myself staring at other people's lashes in envy (I probably look a bit creepy actually, maybe I should stop that) wishing I too had both upper and lower lashes.

I also need to say a big thank you and well done to everyone who has been doing fundraising recently...

My wonderful cousin and Uncle who ran the Manchester 10K

Nia who did the Race for life (She has already done the Reading half marathon too!).

And finally to Snoop Doggy Rob and Jane who are VERY busy doing SO much fundraising it is unreal. What superstars!! They are doing lots and lots of house and garden tours. They even wrote a book!

THANK YOU EVERYONE and I love you all lots and lots!

I am looking forward to the weekend. My little sister Naomi is coming to stay. Yay. She will have finished her Finals *proud face* and is coming home to celebrate. So I will end this post with a little flashback photo of me and her back in the days when I had both hair AND eyelashes.

Love you long time. X

Updates, updates and more updates

Hello strangers! Firstly I am so sorry for my lack of blogging but I have had a very busy couple of weeks! I also apologise for the length of this blog post but I have much to say. As most of you will know I had round five of the toxic nasties just over two weeks ago. Maundy Thursday was spent in the hospital being pumped full of the toxic nasties, having previously spent the day before ruining Madre's Birthday having a Herceptin loading dose. I spent the next 6 days in bed recovering and being very demanding (i'm blaming the steroids). I did get some beautiful flowers on Easter Sunday which made me feel much brighter...

By Tuesday I was starting to feel a bit better.
At 6 am on Wednesday I awoke in agony with a serious case of back pain and a temperature and was taken to hospital in an ambulance. It also just so happened to be my younger sisters 21st birthday. (I'm so sorry if I ruined your day Noo Nai). The second birthday I, sorry I mean Kenneth, ruined in one week.

Neutropenic sepsis.

The two words I had dreaded hearing since beginning chemotherapy back on the 4th of January. When I knew that I needed to have chemo I made a promise to myself that I would do everything I could to avoid spending a night in hospital. You see I spent enough time in hospital last year and I go so often for appointments and things that quite frankly I really like to spend as little time there as possible. If I am honest I truly believed I was invincible and that I wouldn't break this promise. This turned out not to be the case. I am not actually super-woman *dreams shattered.
 
I also genuinely thought that I wouldn't ever be neutropenic (when you don't have enough white blood cells) because I have a magical injection 24 hrs post chemo which is supposed to raise my blood counts and stop the dreaded neutopenia setting in. After LOTS of blood tests, Xrays and some emergency IV antibiotics I was told by doctors that as well as being neutropenic I also had a suspected kidney infection.

Here I am after being admitted in isolation

I would just like to say that even when i'm mega poorly I still manage a good pout!

My Grandma and Snoop Doggy Rob came to visit me which did help me to feel better. Snoop Doggy Rob also bought me some pretty cool presents...

This is supposed to be a lucky charm. (It also looks weirdly like my sister which made me smile, especially as it was her birthday and so she couldn't be there, she looks ready to fight any naughty infections!)

I didn't know whether to be offended by his choice of book?!?

They eventually let me out on Friday night with some antibiotics and a whole lot of other drugs to take home. I then went straight to Snoop Doggy Rob's house to see him and celebrate (allbeit belatedly) Naomi's birthday! On Saturday night she had a couple of friends over and we had what would have been a lovely birthday meal (complete with an amazing chocolate birthday cake cooked by Jane). I say what would have been, because towards the end of the meal I had a nose bleed and coughed up the world's biggest blood clot. Lovely. I telephoned Brent ward back in Plymouth and asked what to do and they told me to go to A and E. So poor Snoop Doggy Rob had to take me at 11.30 pm. A and E on a Saturday night in Yeovil is not fun. They took some bloods and discovered I had another temperature. Great. Just as Snoop Doggy Rob was about to fall off his little chair because he was so tired the doctor came in. He said my bloods showed that I still had an infection (now I had too many white cells) and so he changed my antibiotics and I got to go home.

Sunday afternoon and my temperature spiked at 38.5 again and so by 6pm I was back in Plymouth hospital. They kept me in for 2 more nights (3 days) whilst they searched to find where my infection was and put me back on IV antibiotics, fluids etc. They told me I had contracted a secondary infection and suspected it was a lower respiratory infection, but couldn't be sure. The infection could also be in my spine.

Whilst I was in hospital my lovely friends Rhiannon and Caitlin came to visit..

They were forced to wear these sexy outfits! But I also want to add that they didn't complain.

I spent some time doing a lot of these..

AND one of my wonderful friends Mummy's (Heidi, who happens to work at the hospital) bought me possibly the best pick me up present ever..

The latest edition of Vogue always makes me happy (as does chocolate).

Photo messages like these also cheered me up...

This is one of my best friends Izzy and her amazing mummy

Some of my favourite carers Lucy and Jane

My friends Alex and Kathy B who sent me this photo all the way from Australia

So after 7 days of visiting the hospital I am pleased to announce that I am now at home still on antibiotics but beginning to feel better. I was looked after by some wonderful nurses and met some lovely other patients. On my last night in hospital I went out with a bang. *warning gore alert I was finally diconnected from my drip (which I named Terrance) and so went for a shower. Whilst in the shower I got a pretty nasty nosebleed and had to call for help. In desperation I grabbed the nearest thing to me to try and stop the flow. I stupidly grabbed my towel. Not my hand towel, my actual bath towel. This left me with just my tiny hand towel to try and cover my modesty. When a male nurse answered my buzzer I nearly died. He opened the door to find a semi naked Laura with blood all over her face, hands and chest, covered only at the front with a hand towel held up with a forearm, holding a blood soaked towel to her face. Credit where credit is due he didn't even flinch! When I eventually got back to my bed, the other patients in my bay must of been petrified of me (the weird blood covered girl who came back from her shower more dirty than ever). I scared them even more when I had to have my cannula replaced and that bled everywhere too. Yuck! Anyway I am out now and I arrived home to more lovely presents.

 

I have worn my onesie (present from Alex) and pyjamas a lot of the time over the last 2 weeks.

But when I did finally get dressed, this is what I wore...

Since being out of hospital I can't say I have been up to my usual tricks. I have still been pretty tired (I now know the real meaning of fatigue). Visiting my lovely friends the Palmers whilst they are in Salcombe on holiday has possibly been the highlight of my week so far. Their little girl Daisy suffers from CIPs and at just nine years old, is one of the bravest people I know. To find out more please click here.
 

This is Bella and Daisy doing some colouring

My attempt

I will end this post with some GREAT news. After seeing my oncologist yesterday (who made me realise how much I prefer him to the other doctors that have been covering him whilst he has been off sick) I can report that Kenneth is shrinking so much he could barely find him. WOOOHOOO! Please feel free to do one of the following

• a happy dance
• a very loud woop woop
• a fist pump
• smile

Love you long time. X

Birthdays, fun days and hospital bays...

Hello everyone,

Just a quick blog post before the next round of toxic nasties tomorrow (5/6 *Wa hoooo). I want to start this post by wishing Madre a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Unfortunately we had to get up very early today and spend all morning in hospital whilst I had my second loading dose of Herceptin. I also woke up this morning not feeling one hundred percent. This is not ideal and I really hope I am just tired and this little tickle of a cough doesn't get any worse. So poor Madre has not had the best of birthdays, especially as I cannot say I have been the best of company! I did however manage to bake her a cake last night. We just had a little birthday tea party and I'm happy to announce that the cake went down a treat (*phew, never made a coffee and walnut cake before).

Over the last few days I have been out for some lovely meals, seen some friends and been to the cinema. Nothing that exciting really, but I have had a nice time. I also took my pink wig on a little outing and two strangers complimented my hair colour!

Recently I seem to have found laughs in some, weird and wonderful ways. ***Be warned most of the following stories involve toilet related humour.

I mentioned I went to the cinema recently, after the film ended I went to the Ladies. I went to wash my hands and put my rucksack down on the side. As I returned from using the hand-drier to collect my bag I discovered, much to my amusement, that I had left the stupid thing under the automated soap dispenser and it was COVERED in pink, sloppy, sickly smelling soap. Great. Well done Laura. Who's a clever girl?

Same day, different toilet (it's drinking all this water in preparation for Thursday's toxic nasties). This time I was in a massive Tesco. As I went to leave the ladies, a woman in one of the cubicle genuinely said OUT LOUD 'aaah, that feels better'. No word of a lie, she announced to the whole bathroom that after emptying her bowels she now felt better. GROSS. I did NOT want/need to know this. Then, as I was walking out of the Ladies past the Gents, I saw an old man trying to take his trolley into the Gents with him. He couldn't fit it through the door. I think he was a bit confused! I wanted to laugh until I saw that the only thing he had in said trolley was his walking stick. Why he felt the need to take both the trolley and the walking stick into the toilet with him I will never know, but it made me feel a bit sad for him.

Today, as I mentioned earlier I had my second bout of Herceptin.

I also had the misfortune of being sat in between two mentally challenged patients. One insisted on telling me, every nurse, every other patient and every accompanying family member about his diarrhoea. I mean, really? Of all the side effects to chat about to people you don't know he chose that one? So I spent nearly 4 hours listening to poo chat. Fabulous. Just what I wanted. I forgot to bring with me a book/magazine/iPad/any form of entertainment and so I had no escape from him. To my left was an elderly gentleman who's wife had dropped him off for treatment and then once he was all set up, left him to it, who also wanted to talk to me. At the beginning I felt sorry for him because he must of been a little lonely, but after 2 hours of talking to him, I understood why his wife had disappeared. Unfortunately he, not unlike the poo man, liked to tell the same story over and over and over and over again. Normally, I could have coped with this and would have felt a bit sorry for him, however I really wasn't feeling well. Originally I had planned to use my hospital visit to take advantage of the reclining chairs and have a little nap. To make matters worse I couldn't even call upon Madre for moral support as she was hooked on whatever book she, unlike me, had remembered to bring with her and as it was her birthday I thought I'd let her get away with it!

In other news, this is what I have been wearing this week..

Toxic nasties tomorrow, can't believe I only have two left. Soon I hope to do a few posts on chemotherapy tips, beauty products I recommend for use during treatment and essentials to have to hand before starting treatment. Until then...

Love you long time. X

The evolution of a new species...

Hello strangers. I'm sorry for my lack of blogging but I've been busy recovering from the latest round of toxic nasties, which unfortunately went and got me real good. Today, for the first time in 7 days, I finally shed my pyjamas and replaced them with clothes. Actual clothes. Yes, I know this may not seem like an achievement for the average mortal, but for me this was a big leap along the road to recovery. I also left the house for the first time too! I walked to a friends house, yes I may only have sat on a sofa there instead, but I still LEFT THE HOUSE!!! Let me fill you in on what I have been up to since my last post...

Before the last round of the toxic nasties I had my first herceptin treatment which was fine.

I spent a lovely 9hrs in the hospital but thanks to some great company and day time television the day went pretty quick, even if we were delayed starting because of phlebitis in my arm. My only real complaint stems from my neighbouring patient's choice of lunchtime refreshment. A hospital prepared prawn sandwich (bleurghhhh as if I didn't feel sick enough already) and a packet of crisps, which she ate more loudly than I ever thought was humanly possible, EVER.

On Thursday evening I debuted my brown wig at a fundraiser for the local pre-school. I had the best time ever mainly due to the company I kept and the evenings entertainment (provided by a fellow guest's drunken behaviour). The less said about it the better, however let me just say it involved a napkin folding competition.

The next day involved more of this..

And then the next week all I did was this..

Although even that might be a slight lie, as in fact I only made it to the sofa yesterday!
The toxic nasties really did get me good. I told everyone that I was no longer human and had actually evolved into an EMUPO. For those of you unfamiliar with the creature that is the emupo, an emupo is a cross between an emu and a hippo. Why had I evolved into this spectacular creature you may ask? Well, I was so tired I effectively lost the use of my arms (so felt like an emu) and my bones hurt so much I could barely move (like a wallowing hippo). Hence the emupo was born. Madre was acting Zoo keeper and kept me well watered and drugged, and life sort of just plodded on until finally yesterday I was able to make a move from my pen (bedroom), downstairs to the sofa. Madre went back to work and in came my new nurse in the form of my friend Jess. She followed Madre's written instructions including "make her drink at least one drink every 2 hours, no matter what she says" and we got through the entire Season 1 box set of Homeland, which by the way is WELL worth a watch for those of you who haven't seen it.

In other news, I am having serious hair withdrawal symptoms and when I say serious I mean it. I have proper issues and major hair envy. Tonight I spent the entire duration of bath time fashioning hair styles out of bubbles. Yes, that's right I made bubble wigs. I have never pretended to be normal. Please don't judge me. I'm blaming the chemo messing with my brain.

Love you long time. X