Birthdays, fun days and hospital bays...

Hello everyone,

Just a quick blog post before the next round of toxic nasties tomorrow (5/6 *Wa hoooo). I want to start this post by wishing Madre a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Unfortunately we had to get up very early today and spend all morning in hospital whilst I had my second loading dose of Herceptin. I also woke up this morning not feeling one hundred percent. This is not ideal and I really hope I am just tired and this little tickle of a cough doesn't get any worse. So poor Madre has not had the best of birthdays, especially as I cannot say I have been the best of company! I did however manage to bake her a cake last night. We just had a little birthday tea party and I'm happy to announce that the cake went down a treat (*phew, never made a coffee and walnut cake before).

Over the last few days I have been out for some lovely meals, seen some friends and been to the cinema. Nothing that exciting really, but I have had a nice time. I also took my pink wig on a little outing and two strangers complimented my hair colour!

Recently I seem to have found laughs in some, weird and wonderful ways. ***Be warned most of the following stories involve toilet related humour.

I mentioned I went to the cinema recently, after the film ended I went to the Ladies. I went to wash my hands and put my rucksack down on the side. As I returned from using the hand-drier to collect my bag I discovered, much to my amusement, that I had left the stupid thing under the automated soap dispenser and it was COVERED in pink, sloppy, sickly smelling soap. Great. Well done Laura. Who's a clever girl?

Same day, different toilet (it's drinking all this water in preparation for Thursday's toxic nasties). This time I was in a massive Tesco. As I went to leave the ladies, a woman in one of the cubicle genuinely said OUT LOUD 'aaah, that feels better'. No word of a lie, she announced to the whole bathroom that after emptying her bowels she now felt better. GROSS. I did NOT want/need to know this. Then, as I was walking out of the Ladies past the Gents, I saw an old man trying to take his trolley into the Gents with him. He couldn't fit it through the door. I think he was a bit confused! I wanted to laugh until I saw that the only thing he had in said trolley was his walking stick. Why he felt the need to take both the trolley and the walking stick into the toilet with him I will never know, but it made me feel a bit sad for him.

Today, as I mentioned earlier I had my second bout of Herceptin.

I also had the misfortune of being sat in between two mentally challenged patients. One insisted on telling me, every nurse, every other patient and every accompanying family member about his diarrhoea. I mean, really? Of all the side effects to chat about to people you don't know he chose that one? So I spent nearly 4 hours listening to poo chat. Fabulous. Just what I wanted. I forgot to bring with me a book/magazine/iPad/any form of entertainment and so I had no escape from him. To my left was an elderly gentleman who's wife had dropped him off for treatment and then once he was all set up, left him to it, who also wanted to talk to me. At the beginning I felt sorry for him because he must of been a little lonely, but after 2 hours of talking to him, I understood why his wife had disappeared. Unfortunately he, not unlike the poo man, liked to tell the same story over and over and over and over again. Normally, I could have coped with this and would have felt a bit sorry for him, however I really wasn't feeling well. Originally I had planned to use my hospital visit to take advantage of the reclining chairs and have a little nap. To make matters worse I couldn't even call upon Madre for moral support as she was hooked on whatever book she, unlike me, had remembered to bring with her and as it was her birthday I thought I'd let her get away with it!

In other news, this is what I have been wearing this week..

Toxic nasties tomorrow, can't believe I only have two left. Soon I hope to do a few posts on chemotherapy tips, beauty products I recommend for use during treatment and essentials to have to hand before starting treatment. Until then...

Love you long time. X

Sunshine and giggles

Hello everyone,

I've been feeling SO much better this week. I've actually felt like a human. WAHOO. I've been trying to make the most of this. Believe it or not there was actually some SUNSHINE in Devon at the beginning of the week and so I dusted off my trainers and took myself on a couple of walks and got some much needed vitamin D and exercise...

 I was feeling so bright and cheerful I even painted my nails to co-ordinate with my laces too!

Apart from walking I also had a lovely dinner with some friends. It was really lovely to have a catch up and a gossip. We laughed A LOT. Sometimes I forget how nice it is to laugh. I spend a fair amount of time in my own company and although I often find myself funny, it was really nice to laugh with friends.

What i've been wearing this week...

I've had lots of time to think this week. I've been thinking about all the things I want to do when i'm better. I seem to spend quite a lot of time thinking about this. I've even made a little list in my head. Things on this list include:

• go on holiday to any of the following places... Paris, the Caribbean (or anywhere hot), Las Vegas, Ibiza.
• party with friends (stay up later than midnight, drink cocktails, dance, giggle).
• achieve something other than Kenneth fighting (I really want to complete a challenge to raise money for charity).
• sort out my career.
• go to a festival (*can you believe i've never been?).

It may not seem like that great of a list but I'm working on it, along with my addiction to tea.

It seems crazy to me that this time last year I had just got back from a month of traveling with one of my best friends Izzy (*Bella to me). We had such a great time and I cannot wait to get away somewhere nice again soon!

On the right is me, complete with hair.

All week I've been having pain in my nails. At first I thought maybe I was imagining it, but after removing my nail varnish today it turns out I wasn't. My nails are going black at the nail bed (attractive or what?). I had been warned about this side effect but rather naively thought it wouldn't happen to me because I try to take such great care of my nails. I use nail oil, hand cream, protective base coats etc. Nope, Kenneth has gone and got me again, but did I let him win? Don't be silly, I decided to disguise said ugliness with some coral and gold glittery loveliness instead. Ha, take that Kenneth! Now when I look at my hands I don't feel angry at Kenneth but proud of my mad nail painting skillzzz.

 

 

 

Ouchies, poorly black thumb!

New glittery nails

I haven't really got much else to report I'm afraid, so I shall leave you all with a big fat kiss.

Love you long time. X

Hospital stays and Special days

Hello everyone, firstly I would like to welcome all my lovely new followers. It has been SO great hearing from you. I'm sorry I don't get the time to reply to you all. BUT I LOVE reading your messages. They really help lift my mood, so thank you.

Since my last post i've been on a bit of a rollercoaster. On Friday I ended up in hospital with a temperature. After some fun spent hours in A and E the doctors decided to keep me in overnight. Some antibiotics and fluids sorted me out and I was eventually released on Saturday afternoon. FUN TIMES.

Looking 'good' from my hospital bed...

 The good news is I am now feeling much better! Even though I was forced to eat this before the doctor would discharge me...

'pasta'

On Sunday I was lucky enough to attend the beautiful Honor Jayne's Christening. The service was beautiful (even though I had to make a run for it half way through to be sick *classy).

It's amazing what some fake hair, fake eyelashes, an eyebrow kit and some lippie can do for a girl's appearance...

My nails

Honor Jayne on her special day

Over the last couple of days something amazing has happened. Some very lovely celebs have retweeted links to my little blog and as a result I have been contacted by some truly amazing and lovely people. It has been so humbling and has made me feel so special. I cannot thank you all enough for your support and love. I am about to reach out to my inner secretarial skills and start replying to some of your messages, bear with me as it might take a while...

Baldy kisses from the new secretarial me!

The most important thing to note from all of this, is that now we are all helping to raise awareness!! Younger women really do get breast cancer too and it is SO important to me to get all of them checking their boobs. Early diagnosis is key to saving lives, as us younger ladies unfortunately often get a much more aggressive form of the disease because it feeds off of our hormones. So please help me spread the word. Tell your daughters, sisters, friends, aunties, neices, even stop strangers on the street and tell them too (*OK you don't have to do that one really) but seriously lets spread the word and save some lives!

Love you long time. X

The evolution of a new species...

Hello strangers. I'm sorry for my lack of blogging but I've been busy recovering from the latest round of toxic nasties, which unfortunately went and got me real good. Today, for the first time in 7 days, I finally shed my pyjamas and replaced them with clothes. Actual clothes. Yes, I know this may not seem like an achievement for the average mortal, but for me this was a big leap along the road to recovery. I also left the house for the first time too! I walked to a friends house, yes I may only have sat on a sofa there instead, but I still LEFT THE HOUSE!!! Let me fill you in on what I have been up to since my last post...

Before the last round of the toxic nasties I had my first herceptin treatment which was fine.

I spent a lovely 9hrs in the hospital but thanks to some great company and day time television the day went pretty quick, even if we were delayed starting because of phlebitis in my arm. My only real complaint stems from my neighbouring patient's choice of lunchtime refreshment. A hospital prepared prawn sandwich (bleurghhhh as if I didn't feel sick enough already) and a packet of crisps, which she ate more loudly than I ever thought was humanly possible, EVER.

On Thursday evening I debuted my brown wig at a fundraiser for the local pre-school. I had the best time ever mainly due to the company I kept and the evenings entertainment (provided by a fellow guest's drunken behaviour). The less said about it the better, however let me just say it involved a napkin folding competition.

The next day involved more of this..

And then the next week all I did was this..

Although even that might be a slight lie, as in fact I only made it to the sofa yesterday!
The toxic nasties really did get me good. I told everyone that I was no longer human and had actually evolved into an EMUPO. For those of you unfamiliar with the creature that is the emupo, an emupo is a cross between an emu and a hippo. Why had I evolved into this spectacular creature you may ask? Well, I was so tired I effectively lost the use of my arms (so felt like an emu) and my bones hurt so much I could barely move (like a wallowing hippo). Hence the emupo was born. Madre was acting Zoo keeper and kept me well watered and drugged, and life sort of just plodded on until finally yesterday I was able to make a move from my pen (bedroom), downstairs to the sofa. Madre went back to work and in came my new nurse in the form of my friend Jess. She followed Madre's written instructions including "make her drink at least one drink every 2 hours, no matter what she says" and we got through the entire Season 1 box set of Homeland, which by the way is WELL worth a watch for those of you who haven't seen it.

In other news, I am having serious hair withdrawal symptoms and when I say serious I mean it. I have proper issues and major hair envy. Tonight I spent the entire duration of bath time fashioning hair styles out of bubbles. Yes, that's right I made bubble wigs. I have never pretended to be normal. Please don't judge me. I'm blaming the chemo messing with my brain.

Love you long time. X

Party Time!

Hello, hello. Where to start? I have so much to tell you all.

I have been a very busy baldy the last few days. My little sister came to visit which was so nice. We had a lovely time together eating yummy food, including a chicken pie which she very kindly and expertly topped with pastry boobs and the Coppafeel! Logo. 

What can I say. My sister's a LEGEND

Credit has to go to Madre too for making the pie.

What a trouper! Our time together was cut slightly short by a Sunday night hospital trip (rubbish). It turned out I was okay, I didn’t have an infection (woop woop), but the toxic nasties had escaped my vein and done some damage to my arm muscle (ouchies).

Yesterday we had the big fundraiser for Coppafeel! at The Winking Prawn. My oh my what a night! It was everything I wished for and more. I was completely overwhelmed by the amount of people that showed up, the amount of money raised (nearly £5000) and the amount of love and support I received. I have to give some shout outs…

A MASSIVE thank you to Lucy, Jane, Christine, Mark and Lorenzo for organising it all.

To every member of staff that worked it (for free would you believe).

 

To anyone who donated raffle prizes, food, drink etc.

And finally to every single person that bought a ticket and showed up. I can’t believe how many of you there were. I’m sorry I didn’t get round to meeting and thanking you all personally. But I did try my best to circulate!!

Now I'm sure you are all desperate to know what I wore to this lovely event and how I accesorised my beautiful bald head. Well let me tell you..

I wore a PINK wig :) with a hairband, to disguise the fake parting and make it look more like real hair. Pink lipstick was an absolute must. (I wore MAC Candy Yum-Yum).

Me with said pink hair and lippie

I also wore some (*ahem) BEAUTIFUL SUPER AMAZING pink shoes :)

Photo courtesy of my friend Jess

Now for the fun part, THE PHOTOS. Below is a selection of my favourite snaps of the night to show those of you who couldn’t make it what you missed out on…

BOOB CAKE!

Me and the Lovely Lucy

Coppafeel!'s number one fans!

Coppin' a feel at the end of the night!

See I'm not the only one with a love for crazy headgear!

What a CUTE Coppafeel! fan

***BEAUTY ALERT

In beauty news I had a bit of a spree in MAC the other day so hopefully sometime over the next few days I will be posting a make up how to video/blog. For now I thought I would tell you all about my favourite new purchase. The Diorshow Art Pen. I’ve always liked liquid eyeliner, but sometimes struggled with applying it because the length of the brush handle in ones I’ve had before has been so short. My new lovely eyeliner has been a revelation. Not only is it super easy to apply, it is also highly pigmented (unlike others I’ve used before) and has GREAT staying power. It survived the few tears I shed last night with ease, yet was easy to remove once the partying was over. Well worth the pounds I spent. £££

To finish, here is a photo of me at the end of the night when the wig came off. (Notice all my make up, eyeliner included is still perfectly in place).

Bald is still beautiful

Love you long time. X

Making bald beautiful and finding a use for a hairbrush when you have no hair...

Good news. I am feeling MUCH better!! I have had a very eventful week. On Tuesday I ended up in hospital with a temperature and chest pains. After an X-ray and some uber-fun blood tests I was given some antibiotics and pain killers and sent on my way. 

 

With Madre in London it was Lucy and Caitin's turn to play nurse. And what a good job they did! With a bit of TLC I was feeling much better by Friday. I got to see Snoop Doggy Rob and Jane for lunch on Wednesday. He bought me a life time supply of peas and my eagerly awaited banana loaf (which by the way was DELICIOUS thank you Jane). I even managed a lovely walk with a friend on Thursday.

I have eaten some YUMMY healthy food this week...

I made the fruit salad. Unfortunately I cannot claim to have cooked the rest.!

As i'm sure you all know by now, I have no hair. Yes that's right I am a baldy. However to my great relief, I have now discovered that my greatest fear of looking like Dappy from N-Dubz was in fact just a fear and not a reality. (Phew *que happy dance). Now that I am feeling better, this weekend has been all about embracing my new look. As you can imagine it's quite difficult to know how to dress with no hair. It's weird not to have it hanging around my shoulders. My neck and head are surprisingly cold. But my biggest hurdle has been that having no hair makes me look more unwell. However, I don't want to look like a poorly person when I go out for lunch or to see friends! So I've been working on my chemo chic.

What do you think?

I added a scarf to keep me warm and a fun t-shirt to distract away from the obvious head with no hair covered by a hat look.  Also after much research, I have discovered when you wear shoes as great as the red boots, no one cares about the bald head. I went to M and S before my oncology appointment on Friday and to my great surprise, strangers rarely took notice of my head. The truth is, very few people even looked twice at it. One woman in the queue at the check out sort of smiled at me weirdly but that was it. In general people cared a whole lot less than I expected. 

As well as fashioning a new look I've also been working on my make up. How to disguise the extremes of face colour I seem to go through. I'm either bright red in the face from the steroids I'm taking, or deathly pale from my lack of immune system and now that I am feeling better, I have started to care a whole lot more about my appearance. I used my first real bout of energy giving myself a well needed facial. (Sad I know). So it became my mission this week to make the bald, look beautiful. This what I came up with. 

What do you think???

A couple of friends came down to see me this weekend. It was really nice to see them. They went out on Friday night and I went over and sat with them whilst they were getting ready. My immune system is at an all time low in its cycle so unfortunately I couldn't join them on their adventures (especially to the place they were going) but I did get asked to do their eye make up...

You likey??? I love doing other people's make up, so it was a treat. My weapons of choice...

Once they were all dressed up, they walked me home and then off they went. As I lay in bed that night I couldn't help but wish I was able to go with them. One of the not so good perks of Kenneth I guess. I think I am going to have to start getting used to this sort of thing really. When I heard the stories of their night the next day I think it was probably a good thing I didn't join them! The same thing happened the next night. We had a LOVELY meal out together (even though we went super early and sat in the corner away from the general public to minimise germ potential) but then I went home and they continued their night out. Again, the stories the next day suggested I didn't miss out on much! 

As well as pampering myself, I have also been hard at work reorganising and sorting out my bedroom. You see I spend huge amounts of time in there nowadays. So I woke up on Saturday morning (when I say morning I actually mean 11.59am, I haven't been sleeping well, which is how I justified this immense lie-in to Madre) and decided it was time for a change. 

When Lucy and baby Honor came over for a cup of tea in the afternoon she took one look at me (bald head out, dressed in the opposite of my sunday best, surrounded by piles of clothes, make up, teddies, weird duck ornaments I had collected over the years, old family photos etc with a frantic look on my face) and genuinely believed I was having some sort of mental break down. I wasn't, but I can understand why she might have thought this. Anyway it turns out sorting out my room took ALOT longer than I expected. After some hard work, numerous cups of tea, spontaneous singing and dance routines (you see a hair brush is still useful to me even without hair) and bags full of rubbish I finally have a room I am happy with (for now anyway). 

And tomorrow I am going on an exciting outing to the skip or tip, whatever it is called, I seem to get it wrong regularly, maybe I should just call it the dump. Anyway I am going to use my trip to the dump (wow I do lead such a glamorous lifestyle) as a sort of milestone. Throwing away the rubbish stuff (emotions and thoughts included) and embracing the new me. 

The all singing, all dancing, bald new me. 

You see having no hair has its perks... I use a hairbrush for Karaoke, when I have a bath I can have bubbles EVERY TIME, getting ready in the morning I can just throw a hat on and I have loads of free time to do pretty Valentine's day style manicures....

Love you long time. X

Ps. To all of my secret admirers that are planning on sending me Valentines day gifts. I really like red roses, hand written poems and love songs, diamonds, shoes, designer handbags and chocolates!! And if all else fails you could always just send me some frozen peas. (See previous blog post).

My big BALD adventure...

Today has been a BIG day. My hair loss became so extreme over the last couple of days I decided enough was enough and so today I took control and went on a little trip to the hairdressers. 

It’s difficult to find the words sometimes and so I will show you all what happened in a series of pictures. But before I do I have to give out some love. I have to give a MASSIVE thank you to Sarah (my super fab hairdresser) who was absolutely amazing with me today. We had fun, we laughed and we made the most out of what is essentially a horrendous situation. The biggest thank you of the day goes to a superstar called Lucy. Without her today could have gone a very different way. She made me laugh, she was strong for me and when I finally cried as I was leaving the hairdressers (minus my hair) she cried too.

Now for the photos...

This is me before I left the house for the hair cut.

Me and Lucy messing around with hats.

Me with the weapon of choice.

Me and the lovely Sarah.

Who likes my moustache??

Ok so here is where the fun began...

I wanted to shave the last bit off..

All done!! Here is me and Honor with matching hair styles.

Thank you Sarah!

So there you have it. The hair is GONE. I think it could take some getting used to but I love a challenge! As I sit here typing, wearing my bobble hat to keep my newly shaven head warm, I can't help but think how lucky I am. I have an amazing family, their love and support keeps me sane. I have the best group of friends any girl could wish for and when Kenneth finally leaves me I know I will be the able to conquer anything life throws at me!

Love you long time. X