Hello my beauties. I have been very naughty and neglected my blogging duties. Once again I have been having too much fun (which by the way, is way better than being too poorly to type and makes a nice change). This is just a short post for now, but I hope I can write some more this week! I may be having surgery as soon as 4 June! If it isn't on the 4th it
will be on the 18th. I will of course keep you all updated!
I have been having a ball. I saw friends in London. I went to PARIS. I did normal activities such as shopping and dancing and laughing. I have done a lot of laughing. Never underestimate the power of a good laugh.
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| London funtimes |
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| Paris with the beautiful Madre |
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| Did I mention I went shopping? |
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| ...and bought these beautiful things! |
I have really enjoyed pretending to be normal for a couple of weeks. The only trouble is that I think I have been lying to myself. I know it is impossible to forget that I have cancer but I am becoming ever more gifted at not facing up to reality. By keeping myself busy, I start to worry about normal problems like running late or what shoes to wear, and I manage to avoid thinking about my upcoming surgery. Because you see the truth is, that although I do my best to pretend that I am fine, I really am very scared and I don't like to admit this to myself. I am scared about having a 10 hour operation. I am scared about waking up and not liking the result of the surgery. I am scared that when they take Kenneth out and can do proper tests on him the stage of cancer I am diagnosed at will rise. All of you, if given the opportunity will look for the positives. Tell me that at least Kenneth will be gone. That the surgeons and anesthetists will know what they are doing and that I will be fine. I know all these things are true, but that doesn't stop me from worrying. I have always been a worrier. Always. I worry about lots of things, in fact I spend my whole life worrying. And now I actually have proper reasons to worry. My problems are now way bigger than what shoes to wear! And sometimes I am just not very good at realising this. I make everything into a joke. But really having cancer isn't a joke. There are I admit funny parts to it and I do like to look at the best side of things in life, but sometimes, just sometimes I think I have to take this whole cancer thing a little more seriously.
Love you long time. X
This is the first time iv read your blog even thou I follow u on twitter, and u are inspiring! The way u deal with things is a credit to u. Just wanted to wish u luck for the op. And don't worry about worrying, it's totally normal and makes u NORMAL. If u didn't u would prob be told u a crazy person ( thou being normal is boring :-/) so limit the worrying to just once a day for hour tops then be a little crazy for a while ;-) anyway iv rambled enough! Just wanted to say good luck and I await your next blog x
ReplyDeleteHey Laura,
ReplyDeleteI have been following your blog thanks to Gary Barlow!
I just wanted to say I think you are doing incredible! I know it is not the same but I have Crohn's Disease so know what it is like to be feeling dreadful and exhausted but put on a brave face. Sometimes you do just need a break from being brave or strong eh!
I hope you are doing okay, I blog about having Crohn's & my up & coming ileostomy bag, so I hope you find some help in writting the way I do. Huge good luck with upcoming treatment! You are inspirational!
X
You're such a special, special person. Your worry is natural, it's just you taking a break from fighting. Tomorrow you will be back fighting stronger than ever like only you can.
ReplyDeleteJust remember, this is a battle you are winning not losing.
Lovely Laura, worry not............
ReplyDeleteWith all the love that you have got
From followers, friends and family too
Sending positive vibes and wishes to you
The nurses,doctors and plastics team
Will guide you through this nasty dream
And work thier magic to ensure
Kenneth is gone for ever more!!
With all the love in the world - Madre xxxxxxxxxxxx
Dear Laura, it WILL be fine, the doctors DO know what they are doing, your reconstruction will be wonderful and you will be rid of Kenneth for ever!!!!!! Don't feel bad about being fearful, or about keeping your mind off it with shopping. The time will pass and it will soon be over and you can look to resuming a full and normal life in the coming months. I am so glad you have been enjoying yourself in the meantime. I will be thinking of you in early June and looking forward to a positive update just as soon as you feel well enough to give us one. Take care, Amy xxxxx
ReplyDeleteI think that you are the bravest lady I have ever seen. Amazing. xxxxxx
ReplyDelete