Hi everyone, sorry for my absence from the blogging world. I
don’t have an excuse other than the fact that for once in my life I haven’t
really had much to say! *cue sniggers* Life has just been ticking along really.
I got struck down with a nasty chest and throat infection last week which
resulted in a few days in bed and yet more antibiotics but I managed to stay
out of hospital which is a big bonus.
I am aware that as I write this I have a few new followers
thanks to the lovely people at Fabulous magazine. I wrote an article that made
a guest appearance in their mag a couple of Sundays ago *see
below.
I had an overwhelming response from some readers and lots of
lovely emails and tweets. I apologise for not replying to you all personally. I
do my best, but please know that I really do love hearing from you and I
massively appreciate the support you all give me.
What else have I been up to? Well I have had some lovely
hospital appointments including some Herceptin drugs and CT scans/radio
planning funness. I have also been spending some time with friends doing normal
stuff like going to the cinema and having girls nights and do you know what? It
has been great. I even did some nice make up…
I have lots of fun stuff coming up to look forward to before
radio including a couple of trips to London and one mystery weekend away! In
fact I am so excited I could burst.
One of the most important things that I have been doing of
late is reflecting. I have finally had some time to myself and now that my
brain isn’t fogged up from various drugs I can just sit and think. Sometimes
all I think is woah. I mean WOAH. Seriously, this year has been crazy. I think
when you are going through active treatment you don’t really let yourself think/dwell
too much, well I didn’t anyway, you just sort of get on with things. It’s only
when I’ve started feeling well again that I have really realised just how
unwell I was and how much I have been through. I mean don’t get me wrong the
scars I see everyday are a constant reminder but it’s only recently that I have
really begun to understand what they mean and what they stand for. I know they
will fade but they will never go away completely and I think that’s the thing
about having cancer, even though you may be in remission for now there is
always that fear niggling away in the corner of your brain making you think
will it come back? Over time the worries fade but they never really go away.
Don’t get me wrong I am all for positive thinking but I
think it is important for those of you lucky enough not to have met a Kenneth
of your own to understand that it’s not just the physical side of having cancer
that’s the problem, mentally it is exhausting too. Physically I may be mostly
better but realistically mentally I think it could take a bit longer. This is
not easy for me to admit. But the truth is that I am still a little bit scared.
I may even be a little bit scared forever. However I have come to realise that
this is normal and I am not the only one that will have a few worries from time
to time. Not many people really talk about the mental side effects of cancer
but I just wanted anyone else in the same situation as me to know that they are
not alone in their thoughts and really it is OK to talk about it. What is it
they say? A problem shared is a problem halved. So here I am sharing a problem
with you and d’ya know what it really does feel a bit better.
In other news I am sure you will all be excited to know that
I am now finally able to have baths.
I have once again been on some lovely walks.
And I have two new roommates. Two spiders living on my
ceiling. George and Harry. Don’t worry they aren’t the big fat hairy kind of
spider they are the thin whispery kind. We’ve made friends and the deal is that
they are allowed to stay there (I am a bit too scared to try and capture them
plus I can’t actually reach them) as long as they don’t come down to my level.
My only worry is if George is actually a Georgina and then they have babies.
Actually I’m also a bit frightened they’ll tell their mates they’ve found a
safe place to live where they aren’t being hunted for once and then I’ll have
some sort of spider clan living in my bedroom. But for now they seem to have
listened to my demands and are staying put and there are no signs of baby
spiders as of yet. This time last year I would have been on the phone
frantically trying to find someone to get rid of them for me so I actually feel
quite triumphant at my bravery. There is also a Cedric living in the top corner
of my shower we have a similar deal, he stays where he is and he’s alright but
if he comes anywhere near me whilst I’m in the shower then we’ve got a problem.
I saw the most amazing rainbow the other day so I thought I would share it with you.
That’s all from me this week folks.
Love you long time. X
