15 Sep 2013

The other side of the big C...

Hi everyone, sorry for my absence from the blogging world. I don’t have an excuse other than the fact that for once in my life I haven’t really had much to say! *cue sniggers* Life has just been ticking along really. I got struck down with a nasty chest and throat infection last week which resulted in a few days in bed and yet more antibiotics but I managed to stay out of hospital which is a big bonus.

I am aware that as I write this I have a few new followers thanks to the lovely people at Fabulous magazine. I wrote an article that made a guest appearance in their mag a couple of Sundays ago *see below.

I had an overwhelming response from some readers and lots of lovely emails and tweets. I apologise for not replying to you all personally. I do my best, but please know that I really do love hearing from you and I massively appreciate the support you all give me.

What else have I been up to? Well I have had some lovely hospital appointments including some Herceptin drugs and CT scans/radio planning funness. I have also been spending some time with friends doing normal stuff like going to the cinema and having girls nights and do you know what? It has been great. I even did some nice make up…

I have lots of fun stuff coming up to look forward to before radio including a couple of trips to London and one mystery weekend away! In fact I am so excited I could burst.

One of the most important things that I have been doing of late is reflecting. I have finally had some time to myself and now that my brain isn’t fogged up from various drugs I can just sit and think. Sometimes all I think is woah. I mean WOAH. Seriously, this year has been crazy. I think when you are going through active treatment you don’t really let yourself think/dwell too much, well I didn’t anyway, you just sort of get on with things. It’s only when I’ve started feeling well again that I have really realised just how unwell I was and how much I have been through. I mean don’t get me wrong the scars I see everyday are a constant reminder but it’s only recently that I have really begun to understand what they mean and what they stand for. I know they will fade but they will never go away completely and I think that’s the thing about having cancer, even though you may be in remission for now there is always that fear niggling away in the corner of your brain making you think will it come back? Over time the worries fade but they never really go away.

Don’t get me wrong I am all for positive thinking but I think it is important for those of you lucky enough not to have met a Kenneth of your own to understand that it’s not just the physical side of having cancer that’s the problem, mentally it is exhausting too. Physically I may be mostly better but realistically mentally I think it could take a bit longer. This is not easy for me to admit. But the truth is that I am still a little bit scared. I may even be a little bit scared forever. However I have come to realise that this is normal and I am not the only one that will have a few worries from time to time. Not many people really talk about the mental side effects of cancer but I just wanted anyone else in the same situation as me to know that they are not alone in their thoughts and really it is OK to talk about it. What is it they say? A problem shared is a problem halved. So here I am sharing a problem with you and d’ya know what it really does feel a bit better.
In other news I am sure you will all be excited to know that I am now finally able to have baths.

I have once again been on some lovely walks.

And I have two new roommates. Two spiders living on my ceiling. George and Harry. Don’t worry they aren’t the big fat hairy kind of spider they are the thin whispery kind. We’ve made friends and the deal is that they are allowed to stay there (I am a bit too scared to try and capture them plus I can’t actually reach them) as long as they don’t come down to my level. My only worry is if George is actually a Georgina and then they have babies. Actually I’m also a bit frightened they’ll tell their mates they’ve found a safe place to live where they aren’t being hunted for once and then I’ll have some sort of spider clan living in my bedroom. But for now they seem to have listened to my demands and are staying put and there are no signs of baby spiders as of yet. This time last year I would have been on the phone frantically trying to find someone to get rid of them for me so I actually feel quite triumphant at my bravery. There is also a Cedric living in the top corner of my shower we have a similar deal, he stays where he is and he’s alright but if he comes anywhere near me whilst I’m in the shower then we’ve got a problem. 

I saw the most amazing rainbow the other day so I thought I would share it with you.

That’s all from me this week folks.

Love you long time. X


  1. Well done kiddo..... You've been the best nurse too me this week also, Thankyou xx

  2. Well done laura!...I agree with how it mentally effects you. 9 months on from transplant and I am still a bit on edge. It's only now that I have sat and thought about everything I have been through. I feel really reassured after reading your blog :) xxxxx

  3. You are such an inspiration! Love reading your blog. It will def be an inspiration and a guideline to those in similar circumstances as you. I will definitely be telling everyone to read your blog.
    Bless you and glad to see you have had some fun!

    Rachael x
    All The Little Things x | Rachael McClenaghan

  4. Anonymous13.10.13

    Great blog , you have good attitude towards lots of things. Ive just finished my chemo and going for surgery this week and will keep an eye out for your blogs as like your outlook. Take care Louise x

  5. I agree that sometimes it's not the physical scars so much as the hidden ones that hurt.
    I'm 4 weeks on from surgery now - pretty sure the same kind you had (but only on 1 side) as I too have a flatter (if rather bruised) tummy now. Physically I'm doing pretty well, and sometimes even forget what a stressful few months and big op it has been.
    But then something happens or someone says something that's kindly meant (like my husband saying nothing has changed in how he feels about me) and it makes me realise that things have changed in about how I feel about me and will never quite be 'normal' again.
    But on the bright side that doesn't mean they can't be great too just different. Don't know about you but I need a 'project' to focus on - mine's going to be the London Moonwalk next year - yes I really am going to walk through the night in a bra to raise money - maybe not everyone's idea of fun and had a few friends who were quite keen until they realised it was a whole marathon and they had to do it in a bra - but for me it just seems the right thing.
    Anyway, good luck for whatever route you go now and hope the radiotherapy goes well and provides an end to the treatment.

  6. Anonymous19.10.13

    Wow!!! (I just discovered your blog and have read just a few lines, but already had to smile.) I admire you for being so brave, cause I always get in panic by recognizing any spider around. So all I MUST say spontaneously is: wow! ;-)